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Chapter One
"Everything's not lost So come on, yeah, oh yeah. Come on yeah, everything's not lost."
The quiet roar of the airplane's engines filled the cabin and had lulled most of the first class passengers to sleep except for a select few. Heads rested against the backs of seats, bodies huddled under the thin blankets the stewardess had handed out but Colleen just sat watching the clouds in the early morning sky.
She sighed, fluffing the pillow behind her as she tried to get comfortable for the millionth time, in the stiff unyielding chair. Though she did love the fact they were in first class, it meant extra legroom for her 5'10 frame; she still couldn't get her racing mind to rest. She looked at her watch, almost laughing when she saw it was six in the morning. Usually, she was fast asleep in her lovely warm waterbed, but today she was traveling to Florida to spend the holidays with the Backstreet Boys, idols for millions of girls, pop stars of the millenium. But known as Nick, Brian, Howie, AJ and . . . Kevin to her.
Colleen closed her eyes and leaned her head back as she thought of the last name, Kevin Richardson. Her first true love and the result of her first truly broken heart. And here she was, flying to spend the holidays with him. What, was she crazy? Was she a glutton for punishment? To see his face and remember how he hurt her and try to smile was making her almost cry just thinking about it.
She took a deep breath. But things were different now, she had gotten over him. She had moved on. She had moved on. Colleen kept repeating that phrase in her head, concentrating on making herself believe it as she twirled the ring on her left hand over and over. Soon her mind relaxed and she fell asleep.
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Kevin tossed and turned in his bed, thinking about how in an hour he would see Colleen again. He smiled in the dark as he thought of her and how much he had missed her. He knew now that Colleen was the one for him. All the months of being apart and not being able to talk to her that much or see her because she never came to visit when Ryan had come to see Brian, had really shown him that he wanted to be with her. He stopped smiling as he thought of the last time he had seen her, when he had stupidly told her that he wanted to see other people. How could he have been that stupid? How could he have let his fear of being hurt again make him lose a girl who just might be the one? He couldn't think of that day without almost wanting to throw up. It had been one of the biggest mistakes of his life. But he was going to fix it this time. He sat up in his bed, shoving back the covers and headed for the shower. He didn't want to be late to pick up the girls and to take the chance that would fill the hole in his heart.
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"Colleen, Colleen! Wake up, retard."
Colleen's eyes slowly opened as she groggily tried to remember where she was. "What?" she asked as she sat up and rubbed her eyes.
Shannon smiled. "I thought it would be easier to wake you from the dead now since we are landing in fifteen minutes." She looked around the airplane and watched the other passengers folding up their blankets and putting their seats in the upright position.
Colleen nodded. "Yeah, okay." She looked behind her and saw Kendall and Ryan already sitting up and staring out the window, watching the plane descend closer to the green earth below.
"Okay, where's Melissa?" Colleen asked as she looked across the aisle to where Melissa's seat was and saw it was empty.
Kendall looked up. "She went to the bathroom, she said she would be right back." She stretched, yawning as she raised her arms behind her. "Um, warm weather, sunshine, cute boys, beach. I can't wait till we land," she said.
Shannon laughed. "I know, it sounds insane to have that in December. We left snow and ice in Illinois and are arriving in Florida, the Sunshine state, any minute now."
Melissa flopped back down in her chair, hearing Shannon's comment. "I know, it's going to be great. Nick said he would take us out on his boat."
Ryan nodded. "Brian said he couldn't wait to take me to Disney World. He couldn't believe that I hadn't gone before." She laughed at the memory. "He was completely shocked when I told him."
Kendall smiled. "It's going to be great, but right now," She stood up. "I have to go use the bathroom before I burst." She forced her way past Ryan, walking up the aisle unsteadily as she urged her legs to wake up. Suddenly the plane tilted and Kendall fell heavily against the seats, falling into a man's lap.
She blushed. "Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry. The plane tilted and . . ."
The guy shook his head. "No problem, it wasn't your fault and I can't pretend that I didn't enjoy it." He grinned. "It's not every day an angel falls into your lap."
Kendall burst out laughing. "Nice line. Is that number 3 or number 4 on the top ten pick up lines of all time?"
The guy blushed as his friends laughed at him. Kendall smiled.
"But it was still nice to hear it anyway," she said kindly. "Well, it was nice meeting you so to speak, but my bladder is about to burst." She stood up. "Nice running into you guys." She turned and started walking to the bathroom again, thinking that the guy looked familiar. "Where have I seen him before?" She saw that the bathroom was vacant and ran for it.
On the way back, she passed the group again and the guy smiled at her and it hit her who he was. She started laughing as she sat back down in her seat and buckled up for landing.
"What's so funny?" Ryan asked.
Kendall shrugged as Colleen and Shannon turned around to look at her.
Shannon nodded. "Yeah, what's up with the goofy grin?"
Melissa leaned over. "Yeah, why do you look like you know something we don't?"
Kendall laughed. "Maybe because I do know something you guys don't know."
Colleen's eyebrow rose. "Really? Do tell."
Kendall grinned. "There's someone on this plane."
Shannon turned in her seat. "Someone famous?" Kendall nodded.
Colleen looked at her. "Would we know them?"
She nodded again.
Melissa thought for a moment. "Actor or singer?"
"Singer."
Colleen was about to guess when the plane touched down. The girls quickly put their seats up and began collecting their CD players, books, gameboys, and other paraphernalia that they had brought on board with them. As Colleen slipped her book into her oversized purse, her stomach began to be attacked by butterflies. In about fifteen minutes she would see Kevin again.
Shannon sighed as she jumped, trying to reach her carry-on, which had been shoved to the back of the compartment. She jumped again, finally deciding to call her giant sister when a hand grabbed the bag and handed it to her. She turned to say thanks and her eyes grew wide as she realized who helped. She managed to say thank you before turning and running to where her family was waiting in the gate.
She rushed up. "Oh that is so funny, Kendall."
Kendall turned. "Oh, did you see who I saw?" Shannon nodded.
"Yeah, one of them helped me get my bag. I practically died with laughter when I turned and saw him."
By this time Colleen was burning with curiosity. "Who? Who did you see?"
Shannon paused. "I'm sure you will see soon enough," she said as they drew nearer to the end of the passage and the sound of screaming could be heard.
Melissa paused as they entered. "What the . . . ?" She looked in amazement as she saw a couple of hundred screaming teenage girls standing in the airport, holding signs and screaming for . . .
"NSYNC? NSYNC was on the plane?" Colleen asked, dumbfounded.
Kendall laughed. "Yeah, I fell into Justin Timberlake's lap when the plane tilted.
Ryan's eyebrow rose. "Oh really?"
Colleen laughed. "He caught you with his muscular Timberlake arms?"
Kendall nodded. "Yeah, and then he gave me this really cheesy pickup line about catching an angel from heaven. I about lost it right there but I didn't want to insult him with hysterical laughter."
Shannon grinned. "Yeah, and JC helped me get my bag from the overhead compartment."
Melissa just shook her head. "Great. NSYNC on the plane and the Backstreet Boys standing around here to pick us up. When did we become boy band magnets?" She sighed. "I swear I will never live this down with my friends if they find out."
Colleen laughed and pushed Melissa forward. "Shut up, you retard and start looking for the guys."
Ryan scanned the crowd, trying to see her boyfriend through the mass of teenage girls. "I don't believe it. NSYNC has tons of screaming girls who are probably totally anti-BSB while the Backstreet Boys are standing here somewhere waiting to pick us up."
The girls sobered up at the thought. "Yikes," Colleen said as she searched the crowd for their friends.
Ryan sighed. "I hope they don't hurt Brian. I haven't seen my boyfriend in five weeks, three days and I don't need to see him again with one less arm."
Colleen started laughing. "One less arm? That's a really funny mental picture," she said as they fought their way through the crowd.
Melissa's eyes scanned the crowd, looking for the guys, specifically for one with wildly dyed hair. She smiled as she tried to guess what color AJ's hair would be this time. Whatever it was, it would probably be bright enough to glow in the dark. It would also look good, she thought grudgingly. She felt butterflies in her stomach at the thought of seeing him again. She almost laughed at that fact. They had come such a long way, from fighting like cats and dogs to flirting like mad. She would never admit it to anyone but she hoped this trip would change everything between them. Her heart skipped a beat as her eyes latched onto a guy with blue hair with black tips, wearing a cowboy hat and holding a magazine in front of his face.
"I think I spotted them," she said, nudging Shannon with her arm and pointing to where five guys stood with magazines hiding their faces.
Shannon sighed. "You would think they would know enough not to stand together. It makes it way easier for them to get caught," she said as she started shoving her way through the crowd to where the guys stood. She heard Melissa laugh behind her.
Ryan saw Melissa, Shannon and Kendall start heading through the crowd and finally spotted her boyfriend.
"Colleen, there they are." She pointed and then grabbed Colleen's arm. "Come on."
Colleen followed reluctantly, feeling panicked at the seeing Kevin again, face to face.
Ryan grimaced sympathetically. "Don't worry, it will be okay, honey."
Colleen nodded. She took a deep breath and followed her cousin.
Shannon started laughing as they reached the guys and saw that Howie was reading Cosmo.
"So Howie, reading up on how to keep your hair nice and shiny and luxuriously soft?" she asked.
Howie lowered his magazine and stared at Shannon. Then he followed her gaze to the girly magazine he was reading and he quickly threw it back on the magazine stand. "Shannon!" He reached over and gave her a big hug. "Oh, it's so great to have you here."
Shannon smiled and hugged him back. "Man, Howie I missed my bud." She stepped back and looked around. "Where's Celine?" she asked looking for Howie's new girlfriend. "I thought she would be attached to your hip from the way you go on and on and on and on,"
Howie laughed. "I get it. I know, I talk about her a lot. She had to work so she's going to meet you guys tomorrow," he told them. Shannon nodded.
Meanwhile Ryan and Brian were holding on to each other like they were never going to let go. "Hey honey," he whispered as he dropped his head into her hair, loving the smell of her. "God I missed you so much."
Ryan nodded as she pulled him closer. "Me too."
Colleen watched the scene with a hint of tears in her eyes as she tried not to look at Kevin who was standing two feet away from her and looking hurt by her lack of attention to him. Instead she wiped her eyes and fixed a huge smile on her face as she went towards Nick for a hug.
"Hey freak," she said as she hugged him.
"Right back at you weirdo," he said. He pulled back and smiled at her. "Ready to have some fun? Ready to party?"
Colleen laughed. "Oh yeah, I'm ready to boogie."
Melissa laughed at Colleen's terms as she went to hug AJ, trying not to notice how hot he was. "Hey Bone."
AJ gathered her in a huge hug, thinking she smelled great. "Hey, how's my Melissa?" he asked with a grin.
She laughed. "Oh, Melissa is just great. Melissa's loving your crazy black cowboy hat," she joked as she flicked the brim of the black sequined hat.
AJ's eyebrow rose. "Oh really? Well, why don't you wear it then?" he said as he took off the hat and plunked on her head.
She groaned. "Oh great, now I look like a gay cowboy instead of you."
Shannon rolled her eyes at AJ and Melissa as she and Howie stood there listening.
"Come on guys, let's go get our luggage before we are mobbed by the NSYNC fans," she said, as she pointed to where the girls were waiting and screaming for autographs. The group nodded and started weaving their way through the crowd, trying to be inconspicuous. But as they reached the edge of the crowd, Chris Kirkpatrick looked up and spotted Brian holding hands with Ryan. Brian waved and smiled as he saw Chris and Chris waved back, starting to laugh. Soon Colleen saw Chris nudge the other members of NSYNC and the boy band started laughing as they realized who was also at the airport that day. Justin in particular, stared at the hot blonde girl laughing with Nick, the one who happened to have fallen in his lap earlier. He finally shook himself and turned his attention to the girl who was asking if he was going out with Britney Spears.
They finally arrived at the condo the girls' had rented for their month long stay and they all admired the place as they entered the double doors.
"This place is awesome," AJ exclaimed as he walked to the balcony that overlooked the ocean and beach that was right outside the door.
Colleen laughed. "It should be for the price I'm paying for it," she exclaimed as she walked into the bedroom she would be sharing with Ryan and dropped her bags on the bed. She glanced over at Nick who was admiring the view.
"Man, this is beautiful," he said as he looked at the far wall that was ceiling to floor glass, allowing a complete view of the ocean. Colleen nodded as she came to stand beside him.
They stood there admiring the view when Nick suddenly broke the silence.
"So what's up with you and Kevin?" he asked, turning to look at her.
Colleen's face grew red as she stammered. "Well, you know, it's just, you see, "
Nick nodded. "Uh huh. You know Kevin's been really excited that you were coming and you have been avoiding him like the plague since you got off the plane. I mean you practically dived between Melissa and AJ to avoid sitting next to him in the car."
Colleen sighed and walked across the room, flopping on the bed. "God."
Meanwhile Kevin and AJ were sitting on the couch in the living room, watching MTV on the big screen TV that was there.
Kevin looked depressed as he fiddled with the remote. He kept staring in the direction of Colleen's bedroom.
"What do you think is wrong?" he asked AJ.
AJ tore his gaze away from the shaking boobs of a girl in the Jay-Z video and looked at his friend.
"Wrong?"
Kevin nodded. "Since the girls arrived, Colleen hasn't looked at me once. She didn't sit next to me in the car, she hasn't talked to me directly. She has constantly found one way or another to avoid me." He sighed, his head flopping on the back of the couch. "How am I suppose to tell her that I love her if she doesn't talk to me face to face."
AJ thought about it for a moment. "I wonder what could be wrong. I mean, you guys are still dating right?" He looked over at Kevin and watched as Kevin started to fidget with the corner of a cushion.
"Well," Kevin started to say.
AJ's eyebrow rose. "What? What do you mean well?"
Kevin cleared his throat. "Well, we're not dating exactly."
AJ closed his eyes in astonishment. "What do you mean exactly? I thought when we left Colleen's house in August, you guys were in a relationship. I mean, I've seen you talking to Colleen on the phone and I know you have been inviting her to come see us when we were on tour."
Kevin nodded. "I did. But she never accepted. Since she decided to open her own private practice, she has been really busy, so she never came to visit with Ryan."
AJ nodded. "Okay, but you are still in an exclusive relationship right?"
Kevin grimaced. "Well, not exactly. Right before we left in the summer, I told Colleen we should see other people."
AJ's jaw dropped. "WHAT???"
Kevin groaned. "I know, I know. It was probably one of the stupidest things I have ever said in my life. But I didn't break up with her," he scrambled to say. "I mean, I just didn't keep our relationship exclusive."
AJ snorted. "Kevin, seeing other people means breaking up basically. I can't believe it man. And you think that you can just say you love her now and that you want to be together. What if she has another boyfriend?" AJ asked.
Kevin turned pale. "Do you think she does? I mean, she couldn't, could she?"
AJ nodded. "Dude, it is a definite possibility. I mean, Colleen is majorly gorgeous. I'm sure she has had guys jumping at any chance to get in a relationship with her. It is a major possibility."
Kevin nodded, his face sad and desperate. "I have to figure a way to get her back."
At that moment, Howie walked in and heard what Kevin said. "Get who back?"
"Colleen," AJ explained. "This dumbass told Colleen he wanted to see other people."
Howie shook his head. "Man, Kevin, how dumb can you be? Were you smoking crack at the time too?"
Kevin glared at Howie. "I know it was stupid but I had my reasons."
"Really? And what were these fabulous reasons?"
"I didn't want to get hurt. You guys know more than anyone does how hard it is to keep a relationship going while you are on the road. I didn't want to jeopardize my heart again." He paused. "I just didn't know that it was too late and that she had already stolen my heart."
AJ stared at him for a minute and then shook his head. "You are beginning to sound like the sappy songs we sing," he joked.
Just then Kendall and Shannon walked in, laughing as they talked animatedly about something.
"Well, then I told him did you think that headbutting a pole was a GOOD idea?"
Kendall laughed. "Exactly." She turned towards the guys sitting on the couch and smiled. "So who wants to go swimming?"
AJ grinned. "A chance to see five gorgeous girls in teeny tiny bikinis? I'm definitely in."
Howie and Kevin nodded.
"Okay, we just need to get the rest of the gang and then we can have a day on the beach," Shannon stated as she flopped down in between AJ and Kevin on the couch.
"Well, Ryan and Brian are in the kitchen and Nick and Colleen are in her bedroom I think," Howie informed the group.
Kendall turned to head towards the kitchen when Howie stopped her.
"I would warn them you are entering the area so they can put their clothes back on," he said loudly, knowing the couple would hear him.
Ryan started laughing as she broke away from kissing Brian as Howie's comment drifted through the air. "Give me your shirt." She told her boyfriend.
Brian's eyebrow rose. "Why?"
She just smiled. "Give it to me."
He took off his shirt and handed it to Ryan who went towards the kitchen door. "OH BRIAN!!! YES, RIGHT THERE," she said loudly and then threw the shirt out the door, sending it flying through the air.
The group started cracking up as the shirt landed on Howie's head, knowing that nothing was really going on in the kitchen. Ryan and Brian came out, laughing and holding hands as Brian retrieved his shirt from Howie.
"Sorry, we were overcome with passion," Ryan said dramatically as the two of them sat down in one of the huge chairs, Ryan on Brian's lap.
Howie nodded in sham agreement. "I know the feeling."
Shannon looked over at the couple. "We want to go swimming and frolicking on the beach. You two in?"
Ryan nodded. "I'm always up for some frolicking."
Brian looked around. "What about Colleen and Nick?"
"What about us?" Nick asked as the two of them came around the corner, Nick giving Colleen a piggyback ride.
Colleen nodded. "Yeah, what about us?" she asked as she climbed down from Nick's back.
Shannon grinned. "We want to go lay on the beach and nicely bake."
Colleen looked concerned. "Shannon, I have told you, tanning is not practical and safe behavior. Skin cancer is on the rise and you have to make sure you rea. . . ."
"Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah," Shannon interrupted and the rest of the gang laughed. "I know Colleen. I will reapply sunblock, I will wear a hat, I will do the thirty other million things you want me to do. Let's just go to the beach."
Colleen sighed and nodded. "Sure."
Soon they were all lying on towels on the beach that lay in front of the girls' condo. Brian was applying the sunblock that Colleen had insisted on to Ryan's and Shannon's shoulders, joking about how lucky can one guy get.
Kevin was sitting on his towel, looking over at Colleen who was sitting under the beach umbrella, wearing a black wide brimmed hat and reading a book. AJ looking at Kevin and then looked at Colleen and sighed.
"What's wrong?" Melissa asked AJ, as she heard his sigh. He turned to her and shrugged.
"Just wondering when will those two get it together."
Melissa just hmmmed, not really feeling friendly towards Kevin, knowing the truth about his breaking Colleen's heart. "I don't know, but what's been up with you lately?"
AJ grinned. "You know, just chilling, happy to not be on tour right now."
"Man, I hear ya," Nick said as he came up and flopped down next to Melissa on the large beach towel. "I love to be able to relax for a while."
"But you guys are recording a new album soon, right?" Melissa asked as she searched for her sunglasses in her bag.
AJ handed her sunglasses that had been laying next to him to her and nodded. "Yeah, it's nice because we got to contribute a lot more to this album." They continued talking about the album while Colleen was pretending to read her novel and not notice Kevin staring at her.
Her heart leapt nervously as she noticed him get up and start walking over towards her.
"Hey Colleen, whatcha reading?" Kevin asked as he sat down beside her.
"Um, just a cheesy romance novel."
He smiled. "Really? Let me guess, strong, silent warrior falls in love with feisty, gorgeous but tender princess who needs to defend her castle against her sworn enemy, an evil lord."
Colleen laughed. "Basically. I know that they are all the same basic story but I love reading them." She looked down at the cover of the book. "I guess it's how I relax, escape reality and go to some far away place where everything turns out all right in the end and they all live happily ever after."
Kevin looked concerned. "Is there some reason you need to escape? Are you okay or are you still remembering this summer?"
Colleen thought back to the summer where she had been stalked and almost killed. "I still have nightmares sometimes but I've worked my way through that. I just like happy endings I guess," she said, smiling brightly while she tried not to think about how she hadn't gotten her happy ending. And the man in front of her hadn't been her warrior who loved her and wanted to spend the rest of his life with her.
Kevin nodded, relieved. He tried not to think of that dark, rainy night he had thought he lost Colleen. "That's good that it isn't bothering you much."
Colleen nodded. They both sat in silence for a minute. Kevin took a deep breath and decided to gather his courage and talk about their relationship.
"Colleen, I wanted to talk to you about what I said before I left."
Colleen's stomach clenched. "It's okay, Kevin. There isn't really anything to talk about."
Kevin shook his head. "Yes, there is. I need to talk about it. Colleen, my feelings, I didn't mean to …"
"Hey, anyone want to play some volleyball?" Brian asked as he finished setting up the net.
Colleen seized the excuse to avoid her conversation with Kevin. "Sure, sounds great." She stood up and took off her hat and set down her book. "We can talk later, Kevin." And walked off towards the net. Kevin swore under his breath and then got up.
"Yeah, sure Colleen. Let's just play some volleyball."
Hours later, they came in sandy and sweaty, salty and happy. Melissa jogged into the house, as she pulled an oversized sweatshirt over her head.
"That was so much fun." She flopped down on the couch, completely exhausted and Kendall followed suit.
"Yeah it was, though I demand a rematch at a later date," she told Kevin as he sat down in one of the chairs. "You may have beaten us once but it won't become a pattern."
Kevin laughed and nodded in sham agreement with AJ.
"Sure, you'll get us next time," he said as AJ laughed. They had beaten the girls shamelessly at beach volleyball and the girls resented it greatly.
He looked over to where Colleen had flung herself down and tried to think of a way to talk to her alone. She had opened up at the beach but she was still far from her regular chatty self. Everyone had noticed it but only the girls knew why.
Colleen fiddled with the ring on her hand once again as her mind raced with thoughts of the future and how everything will change.
"Don't you Colleen? Colleen?" Howie asked repeatedly trying to get her to agree with him on the discussion he was having with Ryan.
Colleen looked up. "Huh?"
Howie shook his head. "Never mind it was totally not important." He stared at her for a moment and then decided he had the courage to ask what they all had wanted to ask. "Is there something wrong? Why are you so silent and distant today?"
Colleen stared at Howie and then took a discreet glance at Kevin, a discreet glance that was seen by everyone. "I've been wanting to tell you something. Some news, but I just couldn't figure out how to say it."
AJ nodded. "Well I've always found it easier to just start at the beginning, work your way to the middle, and finish with the end," he said jokingly.
Colleen smiled and the nodded. "Okay. Well, you all know that since I've seen you this summer, I decided to open my own practice instead of working at the hospital. You know, more money and better hours. But anyway, a lot of changes have occurred." She stopped and seemed to be thinking of what to say next.
"A lot of changes have occurred, in my professional life and in my personal life. I mean, of course things have changed, it's been six months, but I mean my life has changed in a bigger way. I mean, a serious way. Well, I started up my practice with a couple of other doctors, um, Ben Harper, Mark Burnstein, Rich McCoy, and Nick Carney. And they are all great. We have a great practice, great patients, just, um, great." She took a shaky breath. "And that's changed my life and then he asked and I said yes. And everything is going to be great, just great." She stopped and looked up expectantly and saw confused stares from all the guys.
"Um, Colleen, we still have no idea what you are talking about," Brian said gently.
Colleen nodded and took a deep breath. "Okay, well, simply put." She held up her left hand, to show a shiny diamond ring. "I'm engaged."
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