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Chapter 4
The
Next Morning
Brian's View
I walked slowly into the hospital and up to the front desk. A young lady was
seated behind the desk shuffling through papers. As I approached it she looked
up at me and smiled.
"Can I help you?" she asked.
"Yes, Tiffany Littrell's room," I said.
She typed on her computer and a minute later she looked up at me, "I'm
sorry but she isn't allowed visitors just yet. The doctors are saying at maybe
around..." she stopped and looked back at her computer and then looked
back up at me, "At around 3 she will be aloud visitors."
I sighed deeply and ran my hand through my hair, "Thank you."
She smiled up at me and then went back to looking through papers. I turned and
looked around not knowing what to do. I told Michelle that I would be gone for
probably the whole day so she's at home watching the rest of the kids. I decided
to go to the beach. Maybe that would help me cheer up, the ocean always did.
I walked briskly out of the hospital and to my jeep. I hopped in and started
up the car. I drove through the streets barely paying attention to the road.
My mind wasn't on driving, it was on Tiffany.
I pulled up to the beach and parked the car. I looked through the windshield
and sighed. My eyes scanned the shore and the waves crashing against the sand.
I've rarely been here alone. I was either with one of the guys, my family, or
just Tiffany. We always went here to just hold hands and walk across the shore.
It was either a romantic or a playful time for the both of us.
I leaned over and grabbed my wildcats hat off the passenger side seat. I put
it on and opened the door. I stepped out into the cool breeze, the strong smell
of salt in the air, and breathed in deeply. I closed the door gently behind
me.
I walked slowly toward the waters edge and then sat down about 20 feet away
from it. I pulled my legs up to my chest and rested my arms on top of my knees.
Why did this have to happen to Tiffany? Why couldn't it have been me? She doesn't
deserve what she is going through right now, she probably doesn't even know
what she's going through. She's been through so much and I wanted her to be
happy but how am I supposed to keep her happy if I couldn't even protect her
from falling into a coma? It's my fault that she is in a coma. I should have
called an ambulance when she almost passed out by the tread mill but I was so
stupid to listen to her and not call an ambulance. She probably would be in
my arms right now if I took her to a doctor but I made a mistake and that mistake
might make me lose my wife. Tiffany might be dying.
Dying.
That word scared me so much. I can't imagine my baby dying. I can't imagine
my princess dead. I don't want to imagine her dead or dying. I want to see her
alive and smiling, I want to see the woman that I married, I want to see the
woman that I love and care for but I won't be able to see that woman for quite
some time because she's in a coma and I can't do one thing about it.
My eyes began to water at the thought of actually losing her. I can't lose her,
I can't live without her, I can't be myself without her, and I can't raise our
kids without her because she is my soul mate and if I lose her then I lose half
of me. I wouldn't be myself ever again because she completes who I am. Most
people would just think of it as losing a wife and a loved one but that's not
what I would be losing. I would be losing something so precious and so treasured
by me that nobody and I mean nobody would be able to replace it. Tiffany is
my angel and I can't bare thinking that I would have to live the rest of my
life without her by my side, without her to hug, to kiss, to hold, to laugh
with, to smile at, to sing to, to dance with, to play around with, and without
hearing those three sweet words that she whispers in my ear every night before
we go to bed, those three words being 'I love you.'
I looked out upon the ocean and just sat there not knowing what to do. The only
thing I could do was cry and that's exactly what I was doing. My vision blurred
and my eyes filled with tears. They escaped my eyes slowly, sliding down my
face but soon after they rapidly began to flow from my eyes. I buried my head
in my arms and just sobbed.
"Frick?" I heard a soft, concerned voice behind me. I turned around
startled. Nick was standing there looking at me worried. I turned back around
and tried to push back my sobs.
"What are you doing here?" I managed to choke out. He walked over
to me and sat down.
"I knew you would be here. I wanted to see how you were," he quietly
said looking at me his eyes filled with worry. He looked like crap. His eyes
were red from crying, his hair was all over the place, his eyes had bags under
them and he just looked like he was sick. I probably looked the same exact way.
I didn't get any sleep, I just stayed up all night crying and looking at pictures
of Tiffany. I probably look like a walking zombie.
"I'm fine," I mumbled. He licked his lips and sighed deeply.
"No you're not. Brian you're crying, that's definitely not a sign of being
fine. Want to talk about it?"
"What is there to talk about? My wife is just laying in a hospital room
dying because of me," I said, tears were beginning to flow down my face
again.
"Because of you? Brian this isn't your fault," Nick said shaking his
head.
"Yes it is, I should have taken her to a doctor when she almost passed
out when exercising but no, I wanted to keep her happy, I didn't want to upset
her, so I didn't do one thing about it and now she's in the hospital."
"Bri this isn't your fault at all. This was bound to happen," he said
softly.
"It was bound to happen? I didn't want it to happen! I want my Tiffany
safe in my arms, I want to hold and kiss her, I want to look into her eyes knowing
that she is OK, I want to look into her eyes and tell her that I love her more
than anything in this universe, I just want my baby...I want my baby,"
I sobbed. Nick's eyes filled with tears and he began to cry. He moved closer
to me and wrapped his arms around me.
"I want my baby," I sobbed. Nick cried and rocked me back and forth,
rubbing my back.
"Shh... don't talk," he choked out. He was balling just like I was.
I didn't speak again. I couldn't, I couldn't say anymore, I was crying so much
that it wasn't possible for me to say one word. Nick and I just sat there on
the sand, the waves crashing lightly against the shore, crying our hearts out.
There was nothing else to do, crying was all we could do. I have never cried
so much before in my life but that is because before now I didn't have to worry
about losing the most precious gift that God has ever given me but right now
that gift was slowly being taken away from me and there was nothing I could
do to stop it.
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