Chapter 6

One day when Anne was returning to the hotel in Spain, she checked in with the front desk.

"Excuse me, my name is Emma Woodhouse, and I'm in 225, I was wondering if there were any messages for me?"

"Si, senorita, you have two messages," the young woman handed her two pieces of paper. "This was delivered for you also." The woman gave her a box that couldn't have been any bigger than a small shoe box.

"Thank you," Anne said as she took the box, and the messages which were both from Jake, up to her room. She looked at the return address on the box. "Gaines, Michigan. It must be from aunt Diane," she thought. In her room she opened the box, inside, she found a video tape and a note buried among the Styrofoam packing peanuts. She quickly read the note.

"Dear Annie, I saw this on t.v., and I thought you might get a kick out of this so I taped it for you. Let me know what you think, give me a call, please. I forgot how boring Michigan was until I got back. Love, Sara."

Anne quickly looked at her watch, and decided she could watch the tape before she had to meet Howie for dinner. She popped the tape into the VCR and sat on the bed and watched. It was a tape of a special the guys had done for Disney. They had shot it in New York, she recognized several of the places they went. The boys split up and did a lot of things. She saw Brian and Nick win a pick up game of basketball, she had to admit they were pretty good. Kevin was off by himself.

"Clairmont Riding Academy, I know where that is. Cool," she said to herself quietly.

"Going for a ride in the park. What a lovely day," Kevin said on the tape, in a Britishesque accent. Anne burst out laughing, she couldn't help it.

"I don't believe it, he sounds like an English gentleman. That is too perfect. He's so charming like that," she thought to herself. After a few more songs there was a whole segment showing A.J. and Howie shopping in the East Village. They went in several stores, in one A.J. found an interesting pair of shoes, and proceeded to do a little dance. Judging from Howie's reaction it was easy to tell he was a little embarrassed. "Shoe dance, now that is funny."

Howie and A.J. found their way into what appeared to be an antique store, Howie signed his name onto a dusty mirror and A.J. found his way over to an old brass fan. "Hey Brian, now this is the perfect fan," A.J. said.

The comment struck Anne as a little odd, she figured Brian must be into antiques or something, it was a cool looking fan after all. The guys did a few more songs, and then they showed a few more interviews, something that had been popping up throughout the video. Then they showed shots of the guys bowling, after bowling the guys did one more song, The Perfect Fan. She knew it was on Millennium, but that was about it. She never got to hear the song during the concert, because it was performed during her 'shower time,' and she had to confess she had only played the CD through once before she left, while she was packing and did not pay much attention. She figured why play the CD, when you have the real thing? She watched intently, but had a hard time really understanding the words because of the screaming and cheering. About a quarter of the way through some boys walked up on stage, Anne instantly knew it was the Boys Choir of Harlem. You did not have to be a genius to figure that one out, if you are in New York, and need a choir, they are the ones you go to. After the song was over and the credits rolled, she rewound the tape. She quickly went to her backpack and got out her Diskman and book of CDs, and hooked up the speakers. She put in Millennium and cued up The Perfect Fan, and turned up the volume as loud as it would go. She listened to the words as hard as she could, tears welled up in her eyes and started streaming down her face. When the song ended, she played it again. The second time she started singing along a little and then without even realizing it softly started saying the words: "I'm sorry mom... I wish I'd been a better daughter...I love you mom..."

A knock on the door instantly snapped her back to reality. She wiped the tears from her eyes as best she could and answered the door. Howie was standing on the other side.

"Hey, I just wanted to check if you were ready..., are you okay?"

"Yes, I'm fine," Anne replied.

"You've been crying."

"It's nothing, Sara sent me the tape of the thing you guys did for Disney
and I couldn't really understand Perfect Fan. So I listened to the CD. It was so beautiful, and I listened to it again. And I started thinking about my mom and I just started crying..." She began to tear up again.

"Here," Howie said as he pulled out a handkerchief out of the breast pocket of his jacket.

"Thank you," Anne said, wiping her eyes. She happened to see her reflection in the mirrored closet door. "I look terrible."

"No you look fine," Howie said, wiping away one last tear with his thumb.
"So are you ready to get some food?"

"Um just a second," Anne grabbed her sandals and put them on. She had gotten ready while she was watching the tape. They were going out to a nice restaurant in the heart of old Barcelona. Howie was holding up his end of the deal about ordering food when they got to Spain.

The rest of the Europe leg of the tour went well, the week of July 25th the guys shot a commercial for Sears, who was going to sponsor their U.S. tour. Anne visited the set, she enjoyed watching the guys being chased by their fans. Between two takes she sat next to an out of breath Howie.

"This is an absolute riot, hey is Nick okay, he took a serious digger back there?" she said as she grabbed Howie's hand and squeezed it, he squeezed back. "I mean this is so A Hard Day's Night, I love it."

"He's fine, A Hard Day's Night?"

"You have got to be kidding me, it was the Beatles' first movie. The whole
opening sequence they are being chased by their fans, when we get back to the States I'll get a copy and show you."

"Cool, oops, gotta go." Howie had to go do another take of the shot where the guys run through a restaurant kitchen. They guys finished shooting the commercial and headed on the bus to a show. The tour finished the second week in August, in Stockholm. Then everyone headed back to the U.S. The guys had to shoot the video for their next single, Larger Than Life. On the plane ride home the guys, the band, Anne all sat in first class.

The guys turned to talk to Anne, "Hey Anne, we need to talk to you," Brian started.

"These past six weeks have been really great, and we were all talking it over with everybody, the band, the dancers, Nicole, and well..." Kevin continued.

"Well what?" Anne asked, a little worried.

"We want you on the U.S. tour with us too," Howie said.

"Are you guys serious?" she asked in disbelief.

"Totally, the crowds love you, you've been getting great reviews by
critics. Plus people in the States love The Rose's music," added A.J.

"So will you do it, stay with us?" asked Nick.

"Sure, this has been a blast, I've had so much fun."

They got to Orlando, and the guys shot the video for Larger Than Life over
two days, and then everyone got some well deserved rest. Anne met Howie's parents, and his sister, Pollyanna, his mother, Paula cooked them all dinner, and they all had a nice time at their house. When they were leaving Anne said to Howie, "They are so sweet, I totally see where you get it from." Howie looked a little embarrassed. "I'm serious, your mom is such a good cook. I would love to see my mom and dad again."

"Why don't you?"

"I don't want to totally abandon you guys."

"Don't worry about it, no one really sees anybody for a while when we're
not on a tour," Howie said.

"Are you serious?"

"If you had to sleep on the same bus with someone for six weeks, you
wouldn't see them when you didn't have to for a while, either."

"You have a point. Hey you wouldn't want to come along, would you?" Anne asked.

"I'd love to, I wouldn't mind figuring out where you get your sense of humor from."

"Well all right then. I have a proposition for you."

"What is it?"

"Would you like to pull a marathon weekend? Steve's party is in a week,
and there's the big camping trip that week, do you want to try it?"

"That sounds like fun."

Later that week Howie and Anne took a plane to Michigan, Anne's parents met
them at the airport. After several hugs, Anne introduced Howie to her parents.

"Mom, dad, this is Howie. Howie, my parents, Paul and Nancy Gray."

"It's nice to meet you, Mr. and Mrs. Gray. I've heard a lot about you,"
Howie said shaking hands with Anne's parents.

"We've heard a lot about you too, Howie," replied Mrs. Gray. The Grays drove home from the airport and dropped Anne and Howie off at her house. "Sweetie, are you up for dinner at the house tonight?" Mrs. Gray asked her daughter. Anne looked at Howie.

"We'd be delighted, Mrs. Gray," Howie answered.

"Good, then we'll see you at seven," Mrs. Gray said.

The Grays left and Anne and Howie went inside the house.

"Wow this place is huge," Howie commented.

"No, it's really not that big," Anne said as she opened the blinds to let
light in. "It's all in how you decorate. A friend of mine just went nuts when she saw this place, she's an interior decorator. I think her kids are about set for college." Howie laughed. "Let me show you around." Anne showed Howie the basement complete with pool table, bar and big screen tv. "This is where I hang out most of the time, especially in the summer," she said. She continued to show him the rest of the house. "And this is your room." She flicked on the light in the guest room.

"Nice," Howie said as he tossed his stuff on the bed. They walked onto the deck and Anne took a deep breath of fresh air.

"It feels so good to be home."

"How many acres do you have?" asked Howie looking out at the expanse of
property.

"Eleven. That is the whole reason I bought this whole place is, it's all wooded. There's a split rail fence all around the edge, that's about the only thing I did to the land. I just love the peace and quiet." The silence was broken by the sound of a dog barking. "Elise, I almost forgot, I have been away too long." They went around to the side of the garage, when the dog saw Anne coming it began jumping up and down wildly. Anne opened the door of the huge pen and the excited dog dashed out, Elise, a lab-terrier mix was delighted to see Anne. However, she was not so happy to see Howie, she growled at him, startled he jumped back. "Elise! He's a friend." The dog began wagging her tail and licked Howie's hand. "Some guard dog, huh? Oh hey come on, I want to show you my pride and joy."

They walked into the garage. "This is my baby." Anne pulled the cover off of a white 1956 Thunderbird convertible.

"Oh wow, that is so cool, Nick would die if he saw this."

"She's my baby, this is why I don't drive a Mercedes or something, I spent
what I would have on a luxury car on her, I love old cars. She's fun to take for a spin in the summer with the top down. It's the coolest toy I own, I'm so glad I did it. And this is my real car, it's nothing too extravagant, but it's still cool," Anne commented as she took the cover off of a dark green '98 Chrysler convertible with a tan top. "I've wanted a convertible for as long as I can remember."

"So you got two then?"

"Yeah I guess. I bought it because I needed it, my other car, a Honda I'd
been driving for six years, and I bought it used, died. But that little car was good to me, I will admit that."

"I bet. So how far away is your parent's house?"

"About seven miles that a way," Anne replied pointing west. They changed
and drove over in Anne's Chrysler. "Hi mom, hi dad," Anne called as they walked in.

"Hi honey, I'm in the kitchen," Mrs. Gray called. Howie and Anne walked in the kitchen.

"Where's dad?"

"Still getting ready. I told your father that they will be here at 7:00,
so he starts getting ready at 6:45."

Anne laughed, "Nothing ever changes, oh come on, mom, you think after twenty-nine years of marriage you'd have him trained better than that by now."

"When your father gets down here, we'll put the food on. Until then you guys can just hang out in the basement or something."

"Okay mom. Hey what are we having?"

"Chicken on the grill, if your father ever gets down here." Anne could not
help but laugh, she and Howie went down to the basement.

"Hey do you want to play some pool?" Howie asked eyeing the green felted pool table.

"Sure, do you want to break?" Anne asked.

"No, you go right ahead."

"If you insist," Anne said trying to suppress a smirk. She broke and
managed to sink the first ball, then sank three more shots.

"Maybe this wasn't such a good idea," Howie commented.

"You might be right, I got this for dad last Christmas, he always said he
wanted one, it's one of his favorite toys."

"How long have you been playing for?" asked Howie as Anne was lining up her next shot.

"Since I was seven," she said as the cue ball struck the three which fell into the side pocket.

"Oh man I'm screwed."

"No, you're not, I'm probably going to blow it any second now. The only
reason I can still play at all is I have my own table."

"I was going to ask you about that, it's purple, I've never seen a purple table before."

"Neither had I, when I saw it I knew it was perfect because it was so different." Above their heads they could hear the sound of heavy footsteps. "Sounds like dad is going to put the chicken on."

"Is he the one who grills?"

"Oh yeah, it's his grill, his one redeeming cooking quality is that he can
grill. 'I'm the man, and I can grill, dang it'."

Howie laughed, it was a funny, although not very accurate impression of Anne's father. Anne took another shot and scratched. Howie began to play, he did quite well, but Anne eventually beat him. When dinner was ready, they went upstairs. They sat at the oak kitchen table with Mr. Gray.

"Looks good, Dad."

"Anne, would you two like a glass of wine or something?" Mrs. Gray asked,
she was still fluttering about in the kitchen.

"Um, sure Mom."

"Howie?"

"Yes, please."

Mrs. Gray brought the wine back to the table, and they all made small talk.
After dinner Howie and Anne wandered about the house.

"And this was my room," Anne said, pointing to the off-white room.

"Wow," Howie said as he walked about the room. "There's a lot of stuff
about you in here."

"Yep," Anne said a little embarrassed. "It's mom's personal shrine to her little girl's exploits. Here's all the stuff from all the plays I did in high school and college. There's all my Les Mis stuff, and then all the stuff on 'The Rose.' Over the years mom saved every playbill, every review, every newspaper clipping. She is so proud."

"She should be."

Howie and Anne went back down to the ground level of the house, and after a
short goodbye, left. Back at Anne's house they got to talking again.

"So what do you think of my folks?"

"They're great, your Dad is pretty funny."

"And you wondered where I got my twisted sense of humor from," Anne
commented. "You should see it at when the whole family gets together at Christmas. It's an absolute riot."

"I bet." He turned on the radio it was set to a local top forty station.
"Would you like to dance?" asked Howie, extending his hand.

"I'd love to," Anne said, taking it, they danced for a few minutes. I'll Never Break Your Heart came on the radio, Anne went to change the station, she figured Howie would not want to hear the song.
"No, it's okay, leave it," he said. He held her tightly, she drank in the sweet smell of his cologne. The light rain tapped against the windows. She looked into Howie's eyes, the gold flecks in the chocolate brown pools danced in the candlelight that illuminated the room. Howie softly sang along to the song. "I'll never break your heart, I'll never make you cry. I'd rather die than live without you." Anne could feel her knees getting weak, she closed her eyes and rested her head on Howie's shoulder. She could feel Howie's heart pounding, or was it hers? She was not sure. After the song has concluded, she snapped out of her trance she was in.

"It's late, I think I should get to sleep," she said.

"Yes, I'm pretty tired too."

They both headed to their rooms, and each changed into their pajamas. Anne
turned down the bed in her room and heard a knock on the door. She walked over to it and opened it slowly. Howie was standing on the other side, Anne quickly noticed a pair of thin black wire frames on his face. "I just wanted to wish you goodnight," he said. "I told you I wore glasses." Anne chuckled at this and glanced at his choice of sleeping attire, navy pants and a white tee shirt, not terribly glamorous, but who cares, pajamas are pajamas. Her mind instantly flashed to what she was wearing, Old Navy print pj pants, and army green tank top. Not her most stylish ensemble, but it was comfortable.

"Goodnight, I'll see you in the morning," she said. Howie took a step forward and gave her a soft kiss on the lips.

"Goodnight," he said after he pulled away. "Oh, one more thing, the guys say I snore. So if it wakes you up, just come in my room and throw a pillow at me or something."

"I probably won't even notice, all the men in my family snore, Dad's a regular buzz saw, so I'm used to it." Howie walked back to his room, and Anne shut the door and climbed into bed. She tried to get to sleep, but kept tossing and turning, after staring at the ceiling for a few minutes a thought flashed through her mind, she sat up in bed and grabbed the pen and paper that always sat on the night stand, and quickly scrawled out some words. After replacing the paper she laid back down and fell asleep.

The next morning she woke up at 7:00, showered and dressed and went downstairs to fix breakfast. When she got into the kitchen she heard the shower shut off and knew Howie must be awake too. Anne got out the toaster, and the bagels from the freezer, she heard Howie's steps coming down the stairs.

"Good morning," he said. Anne put a bagel into the toaster, pushed down the lever, and began to make up a pitcher of orange juice.

"I don't have much, some frozen bagels, cereal, toast, orange juice, but you're welcome to it. I was going to make a cup of tea, would you like one?"

"Sure, that sounds nice." Anne put the kettle on the burner and began to warm her hands over the toaster. "What are you doing?" he asked.

"My hands are cold," she replied, smiling. Anne poured Howie and herself glasses of orange juice, and her bagel popped out of the toaster. "Sorry to break it to you, but you're going to have to make your own breakfast."

"I don't get it?"

"When we were in Rome Sara played me the Conversation Mix of All I Have To
Give. I almost died of laughter."

"Oh, that, writers."

"That's what I figured. Could you toss me that can of Sprite out of the
fridge?"

"Sure," he replied, a little puzzled. Anne poured some into her glass of orange juice. "Okay, what are you doing?"

"You've seen I'm not much of a drinker, well I just do other stuff, this is one of my favorites. Here, try some." Howie took a sip from her glass. "Well?"

"Not bad, it got a...um...kick."

"Say would you like to cruise into East Lansing later and do a little
shopping? It's a fun little university town, plus you are costume-less and the party is two days away."

"That sounds like fun."

That afternoon they hopped into Anne's 'real' car and headed into East
Lansing, the traffic was pretty light considering the time of day. The idea that day was to blend in and not be recognized by anyone, just in case Howie wore one if his baseball caps, with a little effort Anne looked just like an ordinary college student. After parking the car, Anne and Howie trekked into one of her favorite stores, Scavenger Hunt, one of the few vintage stores in the area. Howie went straight to the racks with suits, Anne started looking at dresses, after nothing caught her eye she went back to see if Howie was having any luck. He had two suits draped over his arm, one navy blue, and the other, grey, and was now looking at dress shirts.

"Geez, you're fast," Anne commented. Howie went to try on what he had found.

"This is the one I like best," Howie said showing off the navy blue suit from the post WWII era, with a navy dress shirt.

"I really like it," Anne replied. "You look like Sky Masterson."

"I do not."

"Yes, you do. Hey, Brando looked hot in that movie."

"Well, maybe I do a little," he said, going along with what Anne was
saying. Without too much effort Howie found a tie he liked, and happened to find some black and white two-tone shoes that completed the look. After they left the store Howie realized, he had made out like a bandit, he had only spent sixty-one dollars, very good, considering everything he had bought. On the drive back to Anne's house she asked him a question.

"So why did you go with the navy?"

"The hat."

"You mean you brought it?"

"It's in my bag."

"Yes, all right. So you're cool, with me dragging you around like weekend,
right?"

"I don't mind, it's going to be fun."

When they got back into the house, Anne checked her answering machine. She
found on it three desperate messages from Jake. "Rosie, it's Jake, give me a call when you get this, I'm in the office." Also, "Rose, where are you? It's Jake again, it's been an hour, call me, it's urgent." And, "Rose, dammit, where the hell are you? God, I know you own a cell phone, turn the damn thing on. Call me."

"I'd better call Jake he sounds pissed." She dialed the numbers of Jake's office, Howie listened to Anne's half of the conversation, he could only imagine what Jacob was saying. "Jacob Foster please-Rose. Hi Jake, yes, we just got back. Howie and I-we were in East Lansing, shopping. So what if I brought him up here? Yes, Jake. No, Jake. I'm sorry I didn't mean to sound-but do I have to? Come on I'm on a break-fine, I'll do it," Anne replied through clenched teeth. "Yes Jake, whatever you say-no I wasn't, I was just... Yes Jake, I'm sorry. I'll get down there right away, goodbye, I'll talk to you later." As Anne hung up the phone Howie could see the hot tears welling up in her eyes, he grabbed her hand. "Sometimes I just hate him," she said as a tear slipped down her cheek.

"What happened?"

"He said I have to go out and do a radio promotion today."

"Well that doesn't sound so bad."

"It wouldn't be, but I have no choice in the matter, he was like 'You're
going to The Edge, and you're going to promote the new song, and you're going to do it today, or else,' God it's my life. It's my career, I can't get anywhere with him, it's his way or the highway, but I can't get out, I need him." She was frustrated. Howie now understood what Anne's London friends had been talking about, she could not live the life she wanted with Jacob always breathing down her neck.

"I know how you feel, we put up with the same stuff with Lou, has this been going on for long?"

"Since Back To Before made it big like it did." Back To Before, had been the single that crossed over and had gotten Rose mainstream attention.

"This is just my personal opinion, but I think you are at a crossroads with Jake, you're miserable I can see it. Maybe you should examine your career and reevaluate what you want."

"Perhaps, you're right."

"Do you want me to come with you? It might make things a little easier."

"That would be great." Anne found her guitar and got they got back in her
car, and headed back to East Lansing, the radio station was only about two blocks where they were shopping, earlier. When she walked into the studio, she heard Korn playing, a sense of calm came over her, this was the first mainstream station in her hometown to play her music, she usually enjoyed coming back here. The receptionist recognized her immediately and let her go right into the studio, she did not even give Howie a second look, he followed Anne into the tiny room. She quickly set down her guitar, said hello to the deejay and picked up the headphones, set out for her, Howie sat in a chair along the wall.

"This is Mojo from the A.M. Mayhem, sitting in for Nikki, who is going to be mad she picked today to be sick, because in the studio today I have a very special guest, a local girl, The Rose."

"Good afternoon, Mojo, it feels great to be home."

"So, Rose you've got a new album coming out, soon, what is it called and
how does it compare to There and Back?"

"The album is still untitled, although I know what I want to call it, Crossroads, but I have to clear that with management. This album is much darker, or rather more mournful than There and Back, Last year, I lost a very dear friend, and his death really affected me when I went to write and record this album. It still has the same types of songs, but the messages are darker, it still has a pop feel, but I managed to work a little more straight rock onto it."

"Much to the delight of some of the Edge listeners."

"Uh huh, much to my delight too."

"Well here it is folks, the first single off The Rose's sophomore album,
tentatively titled Crossroads, here's Why." The song played, and Mojo silently motioned to Howie, wondering who he was, Howie was still 'incognito.'

"He's a friend of mine," Anne whispered back. When the song had concluded, Anne and Mojo talked a little longer, she was especially proud of Why, it was one of the few songs where Jake had let her carry with a strong electric guitar. After a few more songs were played, Anne set up and performed Back To Before, and Lily. The whole thing took about an hour and Anne and Howie headed back to her house when all was said and done.

"You never told me about that?"

"What?"

"Your friend dying."

"It's a pretty tough subject. I might as well tell you now. Last year I went to my first AIDS funeral, it was for Ron. We'd been friends for so long, since middle school. He was a character," Anne said with a sad smile. "Ron was always so creative, I decided to keep track of him after we graduated, just to see what he would do. He didn't tell me he was sick until he had about three months left. It shouldn't have gotten him that fast, he was so stubborn, he knew he was going to die eventually, why fight it? As it turned out the bastard got pneumonia, and died, he didn't even have the balls to tell me he was sick, I barely got to say goodbye. I'm still mad at him for that. The funeral was so surreal, he was always a good actor, I kept thinking someone was going to yell 'cut,' and he was going to jump out of that casket and talk to me. That album is how I dealt with his death. It still hurts, I practically watch him die, he went from the flamboyant, joker, I knew and loved to this frail, lifeless, shell of himself. I still remember the last time I saw him, it was the day before he died. He was in a coma, he was as white as his sheets, all I could choke out was 'Goodbye,' it felt like someone had cut my heart out. I broke down." A tear slid down her cheek, even now, Howie wrapped his arms around her and held her. She felt safe in his arms.

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