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Chapter 19
"No, I maintain she does love him, look if Rose did not love him she would not put up with all the shit she does for him," Anne typed, she was defending Rose on the Internet, again. At the moment she was having a difficult conversation.
"Luisa, I still think she's using him," a girl named 'Kevin's_Baby,' stated. "Okay, she's this nobody, then she tours with them, becomes his girlfriend, and then is this big thing."
"For the record, Rose's debut album, which was on an indy label, sold over two million copies in the U.S. alone, she had two top ten singles, and a Grammy nomination even before she met the guys. I assure you, she may have not been the biggest thing wherever you're from, but she was not a nobody."
"Whatever. She still seems like a stuck up bitch to me."
"Stuck up because she does not want the press to rip every part of her personal life to shreds? Stuck up because she is wary of talking to people out in public because they had called her every name in the book to her face, or spit on, or been threatened with having acid thrown in her face if she didn't break it off with Howie? Any some of you people wonder why Kevin kept Kristin a secret for so long. Do you know Rose? Well, I do. I am sick and tired of people judging her, I bet you wouldn't like to deal with some of the shit she has to. I've been around them when they're together, and I assure you, she loves him, and he loves her, if he didn't why would he have proposed? You can't honestly tell me you couldn't see this coming, I mean come on they've been dating for over a year now." Anne posted this last comment, and felt better having vented some of her frustrations.
"People break up, it happens. By the way, how do you know her? Oh, that's right, you have the 'sister' hook up, excuse me if I can't believe you."
"Fine, don't believe me, but it's true I do know her, and she knows me. Look, all I'm asking is you cut her a little slack, I mean what did she ever do to you? You know, I'd be careful if I'd were you. Do some of you guys think that by cracking on the women they love, you are going to make the guys like you? Trust me. It won't work. If I were one of the guys and read some of the crap some of the people on here say about the girlfriends, I would put those names on a 'do not talk to,' black list. Then post it somewhere prominent, and I bet one or two of the guys would do something like that, too."
"Like who?"
"I don't know, it sounds like something Nick might do if he got mad enough, Jesus, people never leave him or his girlfriend alone."
"She's a bitch, everyone knows how she treats him."
"Do they now? So where did you hear your info from?"
"The Internet."
"Ooh, now there's a reliable source, what happened to all that 'no rumors' stuff all of you guys are always spouting off? The stuff you believe sounds like a bunch of rumors to me. Look, don't believe what you hear, you're less likely to get duped that way, trust me." The girl she was talking to typed out a few 'wise words' and then signed off, Anne signed off too. "Well, sorry baby, I didn't mean to make her mad. But if she can't get a life enough to realize that you guys need lives too, then she probably wasn't a true fan anyway," she apologized to the picture of her and Howie that was next to her computer, she imagined he could hear her.
Eventually things died down a bit, most people got over their jealousy. Anne happened to get an email from Kristin, her soon to be 'Backstreet sister-in-law.' "Anne, I have three words of advice for you concerning your wedding, 'overpriced-wedding-coordinator,'." The guys' album, Black and Blue, came out, it sold very well, which was a surprise to no one. Thanksgiving came fast for Anne, as did her twenty-fifth birthday, she was glad of that, and she was ready for her classes to be over. She loved the challenge, but wanted to get back to her career. She had a good time in the past few weeks, she did not see much of Howie though, which she did not care for, she missed him. On the rare occasion they were together, they mostly tried to avoid the press, they wanted to keep their private lives private. Anne had gone on two auditions for Broadway shows in late September, they had denied her further auditions for Ragtime because she was 'too young,' although her voice suited the part. Jekyll and Hyde, on the other hand, called her back for ten more auditions, and eventually they awarded her the part of Lucy in mid November. Since her final exams for her graduate classes were coming up soon, she did not really have time to learn all the music with the musical director. She taught some of it to herself, and with the help of her voice teacher.
After her finals were over on December 15th, Anne was free to focus on her new job. When most people learned she was going to be Lucy, they were surprised. Lucy, a performer at the East End brothel, The Red Rat, seemed to have little in common with Anne. She knew this and did not care, she decided to go for it, despite this fact. She wanted to play a character who contrasted her squeaky clean image, somehow Anne suited the part nicely, or rather the part suited her. Also that month she received another piece of good news, a song, Unconditional, she had recorded earlier that fall for a soundtrack, had been selected to be released as the first single. This meant she would have to shoot a video, and do promotional work. Anne got in a few rehearsals with the cast of Jekyll and Hyde before everyone took the break for the holidays.
When the break was over it was crunch time, Anne opened in two weeks, and she was not quite ready. There was still cleaning and perfecting to be done. Anne had Lucy's cockney accent down. However, she was still a little unsure of doing Lucy's big number in The Red Rat, Good 'N' Evil.
"I think I'm in trouble here," Anne said. "I can't be Lucy, we're too different, I can't be what she was."
"You're doing fine, Rose, just have faith. You can do it, I know you can, Lucy didn't like doing all of that stuff too, remember? I know you can do it, I believe in you," Robin, the show's director said.
"I hope so, Robin."
"I know so," he said.
Anne felt better, was still not totally comfortable with doing this song in the show. When she learned the music, she had forgotten what she was going to be wearing and doing during this song. Eventually she knew she had to cut loose and leave her inhibitions at the stage door, she was playing a character after all, it was not really her, it was Lucy.
The next week Anne shot the video, she had less to do because the director was going to put clips from the movie into it. With the video done, Anne went back to a week of just doing Jekyll and Hyde. The following week she was booked to go on the Rosie O'Donnell show.
Anne waited in the green room for the show to start, eventually the show's intro appeared on the large tv screen in the corner of the room. " 'We're gonna have a great show, because today we've got The Rose,' the Rosie O'Donnell Show." Anne waited back stage to go on, at was almost her time to come out. At the commercial break she went out onto Rosie's darkened stage. With her band behind her, she sat on a stool behind an old-fashioned microphone, and waited for the lights to come up.
"My next guest has sold more than eight million albums worldwide, singing Unconditional, here is The Rose," Rosie O'Donnell said, the lights came up on the stage.
She heard the piano intro and began to sing. "There was a time when all could feel was pain/sorrow coming down from the sky with the rain/and then came you/my world changed with you/Your love was unconditional/you'd pick me up every time I'd stumble/every time I'd fall/you took me to Heaven when all I knew was Hell/your love was unconditional..." She finished the song a few minutes later, and the lights came up, Rosie came over.
"Well hi, that was fabulous."
"Thank you," Anne replied, a little embarrassed. She went over and sat in the plush orange-red chairs on the side of Rosie's desk.
"So how have you been?" Rosie asked.
"Pretty good, I've been really busy."
"That's right, I've heard you got a new job, what are you up to?"
"I'm playing Lucy in Jekyll and Hyde."
"That's a great show. And this isn't your first time on Broadway, is it?"
"Nope I was Eponine, in Les Mis, this past winter."
Rosie pushed a button behind her desk. "On my own, pretending he's beside me, all alone I walk with him til morning..." Rosie began to sing along, off key, Anne's jaw dropped, it was her singing from Les Mis.
"Where did you get that?"
"I can't tell, sorry."
"Could I get a copy of that?" Anne quietly joked to Rosie. "I love doing theatre, it's so much fun, I don't think I could have picked two better shows to be a part of. Eponine and Lucy, are wonderful characters."
"Yes, but they are both characters who met with rather violent and tragic ends."
"But aren't the tragic characters usually the most memorable?"
"I suppose you're right. Are there any parts you're just dying to play?"
"Velma Kelly in Chicago, definitely. She's such fun, and she's not like anyone I've really played before, so I'd love to give it a shot sometime."
"So are there any little things you do to help with your performance? Like I know when I did Grease I always listened to the same tape before I went on."
"I am a little into method acting, so I try to channel some of my emotions. Like when I'm singing about Jekyll, all I think about this friend of mine, and how he changed me. When I sing 'If someone like you, loved someone like me, suddenly nothing would ever be the same'," Anne lightly sang. "I think about him, and it helps me project the way Lucy feels."
"And I'm sure you do a good job."
"I try. Why don't you come by and check us out?"
"I think I will," Rosie said. "I heard a rumor you were in Les Mis with a certain man in your life."
"Yep, Howie was my Marius," Anne smiled. "It was so much fun. When I first heard that the director wanted him to do it, I was shocked. I had been listening to him for almost six months straight, and I didn't think he had the stuff. And I am very glad to say he proved me wrong, that first time I heard him do it, I mean really sing it, he amazed me. I was so proud. He really does fit the part, the beautiful dreamer."
"Okay, but he was playing Marius who was head over heels for Cosette, wasn't that a little odd hearing him singing that stuff to another person?"
"A little, but I could see it in his eyes when he was singing, there was just this thing. I guess I can't really explain it. I still crack up over the whole irony of the thing, he was supposedly in love with Lori, you know, Cosette, but he was actually in love with me, Eponine. It was so hard, when he would kiss me right before I would die it took all my strength those first few times not to kiss him back. I guess it really wasn't as weird as it could have been. I knew he was just acting, and that he was going to be sharing a cab with me at the end of the night."
"That's really sweet. So what are your plans after your run is over?"
"I'm going to be taking some time off."
"I also heard a rumor you are going to be taking the plunge."
"Uh huh, we're getting married in this fall. Actually he brought his parents to see me in the show last week, I think I scared them. I'm just glad I knew them before so they weren't like 'Howie, that is the girl you are going to marry?' I think the subject matter might have surprised them a little."
"So how did you get hooked up with Jekyll and Hyde exactly?"
"This fall I decided I wanted to try and do some more stage work, so I talked to my agent, and he got me an audition, and well I went to my Jekyll and Hyde one and they liked me. So they called me back, and called me back, and called me back, it was so excited because I went after this one on my own, I came to them, they didn't come to me. On my fourth they had me sing It's A Dangerous Game, for those of you who don't know the show it's a pretty steamy song between Lucy and Hyde. Since it was still early October so they had me sing it with Sebastian Bach, who was still singing Jekyll at the time, they loved it, and I eventually got the part. Howie loves duets, and loves to learn new music, long before we even did Les Mis I taught him that music, and because he wanted to know some of the music from the new show I was in I taught him Dangerous Game. I also taught him Take Me As I Am, but it's not the same because that's one of Emma's duets not one of mine. He liked both songs of course, but after he saw the show he was like 'You sang that with him?' He was referring to Sebastian, Howie knows I am a rocker at heart, and that I have a soft spot for rockers, and Sebastian rocks as hard as anyone. I remember when he sang it he had this magnetism, this sexiness when he was Hyde that was hard not to feed off of. I really hope he does come back to the show sometime, he really did an amazing job. Howie was happy for me when I got the part, but he has a tiny jealous streak, and he wasn't exactly thrilled with me playing a character like Lucy in the show. But, he knew how much I wanted to do this so he never did anything to try and talk me out of it, although I know there are plenty of times he wanted to. I also know he was not sad to hear that Sebastian was long gone before I would be in the show. If he really lets go Howie has a great Broadway voice, when he does it and does it well it's intoxicating. I remember one of our Les Mis nights when he sang Empty Chairs at Empty Tables, it almost made me cry. He sings from his soul, that night his soul was bare, he is amazing."
"So do you think you are going to change your name?" Rosie asked.
"I'm not really sure yet, I'd like to because I'm a very traditional person, but the last name I am known by is Gray. Also, I know if I take his, some people will assume I am leaching off of him, so I'm not sure. For now I do know that I am going to change my legal name. I miss him so much, I don't get to see him a whole lot because we're so busy, I wish that wasn't the case."
"Come on, dish, do you have any stories?"
"Stories? Hmm, well, there is this one, but he'd absolutely kill me if I told it."
"What is it? You've got to tell it now."
"Okay, I can't believe I'm going to tell this on national tv. Well, this September we were in town to go to a wedding, my drummer, and my best friend, who is one of my backup singers got married. So he decided to stick around in town for an extra week or so, I live here so it wasn't a big deal. This fall I took some music classes at NYU. I came home one night, before we headed out to dinner, and I see this book, a copy of The Fantasticks, laying on the kitchen counter, with a note. It said, 'Annie, I've got an audition or sorts coming up soon, could you run some lines with me? Love, Howie.' Well I am totally oblivious at this point. I can't believe I had no clue. Well he comes over to pick me up and he's like 'hey could we run those lines?' Well, surprise surprise, he's doing the 'There's this girl...' monologue. After he runs through the whole speech, he gets down on one knee, pulls out this ring box, and is like 'Annie that is how you make me feel, marry me, please say you'll marry me.' After I finally get over the shock, I finally managed to say yes. I was crying. It was the happiest day of my life." A collective 'awww' echoed from the audience.
"Can we get a look at the ring?" Rosie asked, a camera zoomed in on her hand, when the image appeared, someone on the audience whistled.
"Apparently he ran all over the city looking for it, he said he found it in some antique store in Manhattan. I've never really told anyone this, but looking back I know I was destined to be with him. Okay, this is going to sound sort of weird so bare with me. Flash back to 1998, I'm a senior in college, getting ready to graduate, and I'm dating this guy. We get along great, we've been dating for about eight-nine months now, and he starts talking about long term things. I sort of go along with it, I did love the guy after all, well, we were out doing something, and Quit Playing Games comes on the radio, I listen to it, and really listen to the lyrics. I think I knew in my heart for a while that this guy wasn't the guy for me, but hearing the lyrics made me really start to think about it, and I couldn't ignore it. Now at the time I didn't know that it was a BSB song, or if I did, the name didn't mean a thing to me. Well a few weeks went by and we split up. Flash forward to the summer of 1999, and here I am on tour with them, the group who sang the song that made me call it off with my ex, and I start seeing one of the guys in the group. It was strange, the whole situation I ended up breaking up with a guy for another guy who sang the song that made me break up with that guy in the first place. I hope you could follow that. After we were dating for a while I sort of knew this was different from any other of the relationships I'd been in. I mean not just because we were both famous and on the road, but it just felt different. I guess I was right, because in a few months I am going to be married to him, I really think he is the love of my life, I would do anything for him."
"That's so sweet."
"Unfortunately, some people don't like that we were dating, and now engaged, I got so much hate mail when people found out. Sometimes I just wish I could marry Howie Dorough, the man, and not Howie Dorough the Backstreet Boy, being who we are hasn't made our relationship any easier."
"That's terrible."
"I just wish it would stop. I've had people come up to me on the street and call me a bitch for no apparent reason. I'm sorry, but all I did was fall in love with him, I did not plan on it. I don't feel that warrants someone threatening to throw acid in my face unless I break up with him."
"That's awful, why do people do that?"
"I don't know, I wish I did."
"They're jealous."
"It may be just jealousy but it's really starting to scare me."
"I can see why," Rosie sternly addressed the camera. "Girls, leave her alone."
"Thanks," Anne chuckled.
"I heard you just got involved with a new charity," Rosie said changing the subject.
"Yes, besides helping the American Cancer Society, I've also helped found a nonprofit group that helps with the diagnosis and treatment of eating disorders. I'm not proud of it, but for the last five years I've suffered on and off from anorexia. I thought it was time to break the cycle and try to help others in the process."
"And we have that number right here." The number flashed on the screen. "Can I ask what started it for you?"
"Sure. All of that crap started when I was in high school, right. Well, here I am sixteen-seventeen years old, and I finally quit growing, I look at my image in the mirror and it looks nothing like all those pictures in the magazines I get. I wasn't 6' 100 pounds and a size two. I was more like 5'4", 145 pounds, a size eight or ten, add onto that the curse of womanly curves and you got someone who couldn't be happy with herself. And so, when I hit college, I just decided I couldn't deal with possibly getting the freshman fifteen, and just quit eating. I was chasing some image that didn't exist. I couldn't admit I had a problem, okay, I would snap out of it a bit and stop for a while. Still, it took me almost starving myself to death this spring for me finally to realize I needed help. I can't believe it almost happened to me. I have a college education, I am a successful adult, and yet, I still bought into all those lies fed to me by the media, and the industry. I almost got myself killed because I didn't ever want to be looked at as fat. You can't really see it, but the damage I did to myself is never going to go away. I swore to God, I would do anything in my power to try to stop stuff like that from happening to other girls. Girls nowadays are being assaulted with these images that you have too fit into this certain little mold. It's unrealistic, it doesn't exist. Too many people are dying, and it's gotta stop. My friends gave me the idea to do this. It was the only thing I could think of to make up for all the damage I did to myself and my friends and family. I owe them a lot, I'd be dead by now if it wasn't for two of those guys."
"That's an awesome story. Well, what if I don't want to break?" Rosie said to her producer. "Fine, we have to break for commercial again, would you sing some form Jekyll and Hyde for us when we get back?" Rosie asked, and caught Anne off guard.
"Sure," Anne said, she could not really say no.
"We'll be back with the Rose, after this." During the commercial break everything was set up. When they came back, Anne was standing alone in the center of the stage, with only John Mc D. accompanying her on the piano. Someone had quickly dug out an old Jekyll and Hyde program, and Rosie was holding up the program waiting for her cue.
"Singing, Someone Like You, from Jekyll and Hyde, here again is The Rose."
Anne heard the piano start, took a deep breath and began, "I peer through the windows/and watch life go by/and dream of tomorrow/and wonder 'why'/The past is holding me/keeping life at bay/I wander, lost in yesterday/wanting to fly/but scared to try/ but if someone like you/found someone like me/ then suddenly nothing would ever be the same/ My heart would take wing/and I'd feel so alive/if someone like you/found me/So many secrets/I long to share/all I have needed/is someone there/To help me see a world/I've never seen before/a love to open every door/to set me free/so I can soar/If someone like you/found someone like me/then suddenly/nothing would ever be the same/There'd be a new way to live/a new way to love/if someone like you/found me/oh, if someone like you/found someone like me/then suddenly nothing would ever be the same/My heart would take wing/and I'd feel so alive/if someone like you/loved me/loved me/loved me." She finished and smiled, she was thinking about Howie, she meant every word of the song.
"The Rose in Jekyll and Hyde, at The Plymouth Theatre, it's a great show, go see it," Rosie said when Anne was done.
Anne left Rosie's studio, she felt good, she had finally aired some of her concerns about the way people were treating her, to the world. She wished she had not had to do it in the first place, but she had no choice, she wanted it to stop.
"So I turn on the tv this afternoon and see my fiancee telling the details of my proposal, on national tv. The rest of the guys found it riveting," Howie commented.
"You did the same thing to me when you told the entire MTV viewing audience that you did it," Anne argued back. They tended to get into these minor disagreements when they got talking about the wedding. It was a major point of stress for both of them. The early planning stages were going slower than they hoped because of conflicting schedules. "Am I really the love of your life?" Howie asked.
"Well, until something better comes along," Anne joked. "Of course you are, I wouldn't have said it if I didn't mean it. I love you with my entire heart."
"Body and soul," Howie finished their collective thought. "I miss you, I can't wait to see you. Do you know when that will be?"
"No, but it can't be for a while. I can't leave the city, you know that, I've got to work."
"Yes, I know," his voice fell as he said these words.
"Besides, you were here just last week."
"That does not count, it was only for two days, and you were working the entire time."
"That's not my fault, you know I love this."
"I know. All I care is that you don't love it more than you love me."
"That isn't possible. This is just my job, you mean the world to me, you know that. I hate to do this, but I have to get going. I hope I'll see you soon, I love you."
"Who knows maybe you will see me sooner than you think. Bye, Annie, I love you too." The tension between the two was long gone. After Anne hung up the phone a quick thought crossed her mind.
"I wonder if he means what I think he means when he said 'maybe you'll see me sooner than you think?' "
The chaos continued to die down, and people did start treating her better. Even on the net, where some despised her, she had been getting treated even better by Backstreet fans after being on Rosie O'Donnell. They almost seemed to genuinely like her now, even respect her. Ever since Howie had proposed the unspoken bond between herself, Leighanne, and Kristin, had been strengthened. They had all lived the same thing, hatred because of who they loved, but some had it worse than others, Anne did not have it the worst, not by a long shot.
Anne got a strange message on her machine when she got home from shopping one afternoon. "Rose, John Hammond, director of Chicago, and I was wondering if you would like to come in for an audition. I heard you had interest in the show. You can reach me at 555-1872. Goodbye."
Anne screamed with delight, she might get a shot to play Velma, she called Mr. Hammond back when she calmed down. "Thursday afternoon? 3:30, yes, that would be fine. All right, I'll see you then," Anne said, and then hung up. She went down to the Shubert Theatre and saw the simple set on the black stage, she climbed onto the stage and walked toward the unoccupied piano.
"Miss Rose?" a voice asked behind her, she turned around and saw a man with medium height and medium build standing behind her.
"Yes?"
"Hi, I'm John Hammond, the show's director, please call me John."
"Rose Gray, it's good to meet you." They shook hands.
Anne sight read All That Jazz for her first audition, for John. He seemed to like it, although Anne was not really sight reading, she had known the song for three years now, but he did not need to know that. She also read for him, and he seemed impressed.
"I'd like you to come back in a week and sing for Bill, the producer. I'm going to put you in touch with our choreographer, and I'd like you to do a dancing audition as well. I want you to sing for Roxie too, if you don't mind. You have a voice that would compliment our show, but it's just a matter of finding out if and where you would fit."
Anne came back for several more auditions, she worked extra hard on the music for this show, she would have given anything to play Velma. It took eleven auditions, but she finally won the part she had dreamed about, Velma. Anne was walking on air, but she still had her run in Jekyll and Hyde to complete.
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