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Chapter 1
A pair of hands circled Brian's waist. He straightened, surprised and stuffed the letter in his pocket.
"Someone's high strung," Leighanne, his fiancée, commented. "What was that?"
"Just some fan mail," he said. He wasn't lying, technically. Faith was a fan.
"Someone else who loves you as much as I do?" she teased.
'Maybe more,' he thought. Out loud, he said, "Is that possible?" So maybe all of a sudden he was doubtful of Leighanne's love. And could blame if he needed reassurance? Anyone engaged to Leighanne Wallace would need to be assured that she was forever true. She was stunning: long (bleached) blond hair, perfect features, the body every woman wanted, and every man craved.
He hadn't noticed Leighanne's answer, or lack of, until she startled him by slamming the refrigerator shut.
"Got something on your mind?" she inquired, cracking open the Miller Light and taking a sip. Brian frowned. He wished she wouldn't drink. It wasn't like she was always drinking, and constantly drunk, but to him, alcohol was alcohol.
"Brian!" she exclaimed harshly, and he jumped.
"Sorry, hon," he apologized, walking over to her and wrapping his arms around her. "I'm just a little preoccupied."
"I couldn't tell," she muttered sarcastically, leaning her head on his chest. He rubbed her back up and down with both hands, searching for an excuse.
"I'm wondering about the wedding," he said, praying she wouldn't look up to see his lie displayed openly on his face.
"What about it?" she asked tiredly as if she were tired of his questions of the wedding in September.
"Never mind," he sighed and buried his face in her hair, hoping to feel the spark he had once experienced. There was none, and he sighed again.
"Brian, what's the matter?" she asked, concerned, and put her hands on either side of his face, looking into his eyes searchingly. How could he say what was on his mind when she wouldn't stop being so loving?
"Nothing," he forced out. "Just really tired. Maybe I'll go take a nap before that thing tonight."
Her eyebrow rose. "The Grammies?" she reminded him, as if she couldn't believe he'd forget about such a thing as the highly anticipated Grammy Awards.
Brian just nodded and made his way up the stairs to his bedroom. There, he sank down onto the bed and pulled the letter out of his pocked.
Faith hadn't bothered to put a return address. Her doubt of him getting it must have been high. He found himself wishing she would have at least told of what islands her uncle owned condos on.
After he had reread it two more times, Brian put the letter back in his pocket and closed his eyes. An immediate silhouette appeared against the darkness. He knew it to be Faith. The face was blank, but he could see that she had long hair, down to the middle of her back. That was all he could see. Then he fell asleep, dreaming of the face of the woman he wanted so badly to meet.
****
When he awoke, Leighanne was lying on his chest, her eyes closed, her breathing even. He watched her, thinking of how beautiful she was. As he gazed at her, she slowly opened her eyes and looked up at him.
"Hey," she whispered. He smiled, and sat up, wanting to read the letter again, but knowing that he couldn't.
Leighanne sat up too, and her hand rested on his knee. But Brian stood up, going to the closet to find something to wear to the Grammies. He stood with his back to her, and he jumped when he felt her hand on his hip.
"Are you still preoccupied?" she asked, kissing his neck. Brian wasn't surprised to feel his body stiffen.
"I guess so," she said, turning away and walking to the bed.
"Do you ever feel like you're making a mistake?" he wondered aloud, his back still to her. It was silent.
"Depends on what the mistake is, I guess," she replied finally.
"Yeah, I guess it would," he said.
"Does it have to do with me?" she whispered.
"Not at all," he lied.
It was still silent, and he could feel her eyes boring into the back of his head. He ignored the eerie feeling the best he could, and pulled out an outfit without looking at it.
****
"Who wants to marry a Backstreet Boy?" Rosie O'Donnell joked. Kevin and Howie laughed, but Brian just watched silently. It was only an hour or so into the ceremony, and Brian was already itching to get out of there. He loved performing, he loved the fans, he loved everything, but something was different tonight. Because he knew that Faith was watching.
Somewhere, wherever she lived, she was watching him as he sang the words
to Boyz II Men's 'I'll Make Love To You.' She might think he was thinking
of Leighanne as he sang the words, but he was the only one to know that that
was far from the truth. What he was actually thinking was how he could get
to every island during the summer without missing out on much in his daily
life. Without causing his fiancée to be suspicious, and without causing
fans to notice him.
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