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Chapter 10
Brian wanted so badly to see Faith again, but he couldn't until he got back from the picnic AJ insisted he go to. But after, he would call, or visit, Derek Manti, and he would get Faith's condo number, whether or not that information was confidential. Derek did know about Brian, since Faith had said in her letter he advised her.
"Someone there likes you, Brian," AJ said as the five walked. "Grace said it was her twin."
Brian stopped walking shortly. "Grace?" he repeated. "Twin?"
"Yeah…" AJ said, looking at him strangely.
Brian smiled suddenly. Faith's friends were the picnic girls!
"Let's walk faster," he urged, picking up his pace. The rest of the guys shrugged, then kept walking to keep up with him.
When they got to the beach, the guys looked up and down the beach until Nick said, "I see fire…right there."
Brian grinned and headed down towards the light and the music. He stopped when he saw Faith. He stood just watching her for a minute. She was with a girl with long curly black hair, sitting on a towel. She was laughing, and as he watched, the other girl put an arm around Faith's shoulders and squeezed lightly. Then, as if she felt his eyes on her, Faith looked up and met his eyes. Her shock registered on her face and she turned to the girl and spoke earnestly. Then they both stood up and her friend walked away, patting her arm before she went.
Faith made her way over to Brian, and stopped a few feet away from him. He took a step forward to close some of the distance between them.
"I didn't know it was you that was coming when Grace and Promise were talking about it." She laughed softly.
"I had no idea it was you who was friends with the picnic girls when AJ insisted I come," he replied.
She laughed again. "The picnic girls?"
He turned red. "I didn't mean to say that," he mumbled.
"That's okay," she said sincerely, putting her hand on his arm. She snatched it back a second later. She couldn't ever touch him. She promised herself she wouldn't. He wasn't hers to touch, and if she did, she'd never be able to give him up. She shook herself inwardly. He wasn't hers to even give up. She just had to give up her feelings for him.
"What's wrong?" he asked, truly concerned.
"Nothing," she lied. Everything! she thought agonizingly. Everything in my life is wrong, because you aren't, and never will be, in it.
"Come on over to everyone else," she invited, turning slightly, and motioning with her arm to join her. He did so, falling into step beside her in silence.
"I see you guys have met," AJ said, standing next to Grace. Faith raised her eyebrow at Grace, a way of saying, "WHY didn't you tell me?" Grace just smiled.
"Oh," AJ said simply. Faith looked at Grace to ask with her eyes what AJ's simple answer signified, but Grace was talking to AJ again. Brian turned to Faith, and he opened his mouth to tell her she looked great (she was wearing the same thing), but Nick walked up.
"Hey, Rok," he greeted. "How come AJ met Grace, you met Faith, Kevin met Hope, and apparently Howie met Destiny, but I didn't meet any girls?"
"You can meet me," Promise offered, appearing out of nowhere. Nick's eye widened, and he grinned cockily at Brian before taking Promise's arm and walking away. Brian laughed under his breath.
"He's such a dork," he said. Faith laughed. Brian looked really good, and she felt like screaming. He wasn't allowed to look so good! It should have been illegal. He was wearing a pair of khakis, and his feet were bare. His silver cross hung low on the neck of his white wife beater, and it looked gold in the light of the fire. His eyes were bluer than she had ever seen, but maybe that was because of the fire too.
The evening was warm, and Faith felt sorry for Howie, who had been the only one to wear a shirt longer than his shoulders.
"Faith, come here for a second," Grace called. She and Destiny were standing at the grill, attempting to cook the steak.
"I'll be right back," Faith murmured to Brian. He nodded and shoved his hands in his pockets. Seeing how everyone had paired up, guy and girl, he had no one to stand with, so he just watched Faith. He was horrified when he saw a tear slide down her cheek from five yards away.
Destiny immediately pulled Faith to her for a comforting hug, and Grace stroked her hair softly before pulling it back.
"It's not fair," Faith wailed. "If only they hadn't come here. I would have been on my way to getting over him."
"You know that's not true, Faithie," Grace said.
"Yeah, you know you'll love him forever, no matter how far away he is, or if he's married or not," Destiny added.
"I know," Faith sighed, and looked over at him. He was standing several yards away, staring at the ground. A wave of love swept through her, and she wailed again.
"Stop that," Destiny scolded, not unkindly. "Don't think about it, Faith.
Just have fun with him. At least he's here."
"Oh, no!" Grace cried. "I completely forgot to tell you, Faith!"
"What?" Faith asked in a childish voice as she wiped her eyes dry.
"Don't tell AJ I told you, but he told me this morning that Brian's been absolutely miserable for the past two months, and he wouldn't tell anyone what was bothering him. Think about it, Faith. That was the time you sent that letter. AJ said he was inconsolable."
Faith frowned. "What was wrong with him? Is he better?"
"YES!" Grace exclaimed. "That's exactly it! AJ said ever since they've gotten here, he's been so happy. And when they were walking over here, AJ mentioned that he said that I had a twin who liked him. Brian totally stopped walking and got his silly grin on his face. Then he started walking really fast to get here faster. Now tell me, did he not come straight to you?"
"He did," Faith sniffed.
"The rest of the guys really don't like Leighanne, Faith, and AJ thinks their dislike of her rubbed off on him," Grace continued. "But I don't. I think it's because of you, honey."
"You're just saying that," Faith whined. "It would never be."
"Oh, Faith," Destiny sighed. "Let it go. If it's meant to be, won't it be?
We all know you like Brian a lot, okay? Now go talk to him."
Faith nodded and turned around. Then she spun around and threw her arms around Grace and Destiny. They laughed and pushed her towards Brian, where he was gazing at her with an earnest concern.
"Hi," she said quietly. He smiled at her, and her heart melted.
"Why were you crying?" he asked carefully.
"Uh…I think the steaks have a while to cook. Do you want to walk with me?"
"Sure, let's go," he said, and waited for her to slip her sandals off and throw them towards the others before she joined him.
They walked in comfortable silence for a while, both enjoying each other's company more than the other knew. Faith finally spoke up.
"I've been coming here for awhile," she said.
"Yeah?" he asked, turning and looking at her. She nodded.
"Every summer my uncle tries to hook me up with a different guy," she laughed. He tried not to frown, but he hadn't known how much he despised the thought of her with another guy until she had said that.
"But I can't," she whispered.
"Let's not beat around the bush, Faith," he said, sounding pained. She winced. Here came the 'I don't even know you, how do you expect me to love you back?' speech. She wanted to turn around and run back to Grace and Destiny, but then she remembered their own words and forced herself to keep walking away from the music and laughter.
"We have been, haven't we?" she admitted. He nodded slowly.
"But we can't just avoid it all summer, because something is happening between each of my friends with your friends, and we'd be around each other constantly," he remarked. "And I don't like the thought of awkwardness with you. Something could happen between us, too."
Faith looked at him in surprise. "But-but you're engaged, Brian."
"Oh, Faith, give me something more than that," he pleaded. "I know that already, and I really wish you hadn't reminded me."
She pulled back, surprised. "I'm sorry," she said stiffly. "I'm sorry if I was the one that caused you to feel like you can't marry Leighanne."
"Don't be like that," he said. "Don't do it. It was you, but I've never been so happy in my life. Leighanne is a great woman, and she's beautiful. But she's…" He paused, and looked out at the ocean. "She's just not the one," he finished.
"But you thought she was."
"I did," he said, nodding. "She still thinks she is."
Suddenly, Faith laughed. Brian looked at her in surprise.
"Why are you laughing?" he asked, dumbfounded.
"Because, Brian. I can laugh now. You do not know how much I care about you-"
"Yeah, I do."
"And as long as you were happy, I was happy. I really was. Not many people can say that much, you know?"
"Faith, listen-" he began.
"But I didn't like her," she said and laughed again. "Oh, no. I did NOT like her. And now, now that you see what everyone else sees, I'm happy for you. I wanted what was best for you, but since I didn't know you, I had no control over it. I just had to hope and pray for your happiness. Because more than anyone I've ever known, you deserve all of the happiness in the world."
He had never felt such love in his heart. Being with Faith, on the beach, just listening to her tell him how much she cared was too much. Just hearing her say that she would let him go if he was happy made his insides shake. No one had ever felt for him like that. He was in love. He had found what he was looking for all his life in Faith.
"So, I was crying back there, right?" Faith continued, and he only half listened, mesmerized by her. "I was crying for myself, because for all these months since I heard you were marrying her, I had been crying for you. Not for me. I was crying for me, though, because I was miserable that you were here, but I made this vow. I promised that I would never touch you. And I still can't break it. Because now I can't do anything about it. I was crying for me, because I have to be around you and I can't deal with it. But I'm not crying anymore."
"Why not?" he whispered.
"I've cleared everything up," she said. "Let's go play in the water, okay?"
He couldn't move. She was letting him go. The first day of the two months, and she was clearing things up, letting him go? She had misunderstood his words. He didn't want to marry Leighanne, but Faith didn't realize it. She was stripping her shorts off and dashing into the water in her bikini. She stood in water up to her knees, and put her hands on her hips.
"Come on in, Brian!" she called into the night. Put on a happy face, she thought. Don't blow it. He's going to marry her, no matter what he says. The wedding date is set. They bought a house. FOUR KARATS.
She didn't need four karats. She didn't need a house. She could care less when she was married to him. She only wanted him, as a person, she only needed him.
"Don't you love me anymore, Faith?" he called, standing stock still, as the tide came faster and soaked his pant legs. His hands clenched in fists at his sides.
She froze. Her heart cried. She longed to reach out for him, to have him hold her. She craved to see what it would be like feel him kissing her. She wanted him to know what she was thinking.
"Yeah," she called, but the sound of the waves drowned her out. Brian knew she had said something, and he walked slowly into the water until he was standing directly in front of her.
"I couldn't hear your answer."
"Yes," she said, wanting to step away, but finding that she was unable to.
The sand had moved around her feet and buried them.
"So?" he asked, softly.
She moved her shoulders in a shrug.
"We should get back," she said. She lifted her foot and took a step to the left. Brian didn't move. Faith let him stand alone while she pulled her shorts on with her back to him.
"I don't understand, Faith," he said, behind her.
"I'm not asking you to, Brian," she told him gently.
They walked back in silence. Faith's mind swirled with thoughts. She couldn't get them in order. Her main thought was that Brian may have acted like he didn't want to marry Leighanne, but he never once said it was because he had feelings for her.
Grace pulled Faith aside and immediately said,
"Well?"
"Nothing," Faith sighed. "Absolutely nothing."
"There had to be something worth telling me."
"All he accomplished was that he didn't want to marry Leighanne."
"Knowing you, you ruined it," Grace said.
"I did," Faith admitted. "I told him I was just happy for him if he was happy and that I didn't need to cry anymore because I wasn't crying for him anymore."
Grace threw up her hands in disgust. "And you wonder, Faith?"
"I wish I hadn't," Faith said, shrugging. "But it's done."
"No, it's not," Grace argued, and began walking towards Brian, but Faith grabbed her sister's wrist and pulled her back.
"It's done, okay?" she snapped. "I'm going inside."
"You have two months, Faithie," Grace called, not caring that Brian was hearing every word.
"Two months to find a guy that's NOT him, Gracie," Faith shouted back.
Brian was stung. He flinched as the back door of the condo slammed shut.
"Brian," Grace said. "I'm really sorry. You have to understand something about Faith. She hasn't really given up on you, if you really care. She can't. She's tried so many times to let go of her feelings for you. But it's impossible, because they're so strong. Don't let anything she says get to you. It's not true, okay?"
He nodded mutely. His eyes were trained to the window above Grace's head, where a light had just flicked on. Faith came to the window and peered out, and when she caught sight of him gazing back at her, she snapped the shade down. He sighed.
"Tell AJ, or someone, that I just went home, okay?" he asked. She nodded and smiled at him. He walked the short distance back to his condo, and flopped down on his bed, moaning.
This was the strangest experience he had ever had. He had never had such strong feelings for someone he'd never met. He'd never had such strong feelings, period.
Brian and Faith both had a sleepless night that night, and Brian decided
halfway through it that his whole life was a mistake. But more than ever,
he wished he had never set foot on Maui.
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