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Chapter 5
The next morning I woke up with dried tears still on my face, just in
time to see the sun rise. I had to rush to get back to my uncle’s house
before he caught me missing, as I was already in trouble for going to a party
that summer and not coming back until morning.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I had the most passionate, most heartbreaking kiss I’d ever felt that
morning. The morning where I said goodbye. But I hadn’t known that it
would be our last. Or I never would have left his arms.
*BACK TO PRESENT*
I cried myself to sleep that night, as I had so many other nights in my lifetime.
I’d had more than my fair share of tears.
When I awoke, I didn’t move. I left my eyes closed, remembering Nick’s
sweet kiss, his soft lips. But I couldn’t have him. Maybe I could have
some time, but I couldn’t now.
I fed Emily and dressed her, trying to seem as normal as possible. I had
promised to take her to the park.
I swung her on the swing absent-mindedly, my thoughts drifting off.
What happened? If Nick wants to be in my life, why am I refusing him? I know
I need him. I do?
The extreme pain, the tug at my heart that came whenever I thought of the
past, returned. And that was Nick had to be. Part of the past.
Emily and I silently walked home from the park, which was a stone’s
throw from the house.
Waiting for me at the door, much to my shock, was Nick. He stood there, with
an apologetic grin, the ones that used to always make me melt right into
his arms. His eyes, however, were serious, with something in them I
couldn’t interpret.
I, in turn, looked up at him.
“Brooke, I—“
I placed my finger over his lips, silencing him. His eyes were pleading for
an answer.
“Not here. Not now. Go.”
“Please, just listen to me—“
“Not in front of Emily.”
“Fine.” He spun around, and slowly walked away. Out of my life.
Forever.
Later that night, just after I had put Emily to bed, Carrie showed up, as
she had a tendency to do.
“Hi,” she greeted me. “What’s up?”
“Nothing… I got a new job, but that’s about it,” I said,
silently crossing my fingers behind my back. She didn’t need to know
about Nick.
Just then, the doorbell rang.
I opened it to find Nick standing helplessly outside my door.
“Please—“
“Who is it?” Carrie asked, coming into my entranceway. “Oh
my—“ Carrie had been a huge Backstreet Boys fan in high school.
As time had passed, she had outgrown the childish obsession, but she was
shocked as any to find a Backstreet Boy in front of her, much less her favorite,
Nick Carter.
“You think you can just show up here?” I angrily whispered, not
wanting to wake Emily.
“Well, I tried talking to you before and you weren’t exactly going
to listen.”
“There was a reason. I just—I don’t want the pain. You don’t
need a child, Nick, and we both know it isn’t going to last.”
“Sure it will. Brooke, I—I love you. I thought I didn’t
anymore… But I do. And no matter what happens, I still will.”
Carrie kept opening her mouth and closing it again, never uttering a word.
I glanced over at her, but I had more important things to worry about right
now.
Hard as I tried not to, I started to cry. But my suffering and pain right
know couldn’t appease my fury at Nick right now. I really had no plausible
reason to hate him right now… But I didn’t have any reason to love
him, either.
Nick drew me into him, silently. It was as though our bodies were half of
one whole—it felt so right to lay their in his arms right then, him
wiping away my tears and I grasping him for dear life.
“Shh… Please, Brooke, don’t cry.” He gently lifted up
my face. “Be the strong, confident Brooke I know.” He lightly wiped
a tear from my cheek. “Please be the Brooke I love. The one who is the
mother of my child. The child whose life I am going to be in until I die.”
This caused Carrie to gape even more. If it hadn’t been such a serious
situation, it would have been funny.
“I just—I can’t handle you suddenly coming back into my life
like this.”
“Fine. We can go slow—just go to dinner with me tomorrow night.”
“I don’t—I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
“Why not? Please?” He gave me a puppy-dog look, one I would always
melt into. But behind that sweetness, that baby-blue innocence, there was
something else there. I recognized it as something I had seen in my own eyes
so many times when I looked into the mirror; it was pain. Silent suffering
bottled up for so long until a familiar sight finally let it out.
“Fine. But just dinner.” I led him to the door.
“I’ll be here at eight… And please remember that I’d
never hurt you,” Nick said. Just as he was going to leave.
I was about to turn around when I felt him holding my arm. I turned around,
and seemingly spun into his arms. I looked up at him, completely oblivious
to Carrie and my daughter and anything but those absorbing blue eyes and
those familiar tender lips.
He pulled me farther into him. As I stood less than an inch from those smooth
lips, the warmness and closeness I had longed for, my mind was suddenly cleared.
I could think of nothing but him, and this moment.
He pulled my head, so delicately, yet so wantingly, towards him. My lips
finally met his, my body melting into him. The kiss was full of passion and
desire… It was lustful, yet so tender and precious, like finally grasping
and holding what you’ve wanted for so long.
He sucked on my lip, and I trembled as I nearly felt the earth shattering
as worlds collided. He deepened the kiss, and I responded eagerly. Desire
consumed my whole body, and I wished his lips could be everywhere at once.
My mind flashed back to all the kisses I’d shared with him, but never
one like this… Our others had been immature, incomplete somehow…
This one was anything but. It was delicious and soothing and familiar and
passionate and all those things you read about but no one feels… I felt
it.
His tongue licked around the edges of my lips, familiarly tracing all the
places it had been absent from for so long. His hands were taken from my
waist to my neck to my hair, where they dug through my skin, electrifying
me to the very core.