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Chapter 8
Brian glanced at the door to the bathroom of the small bus, then turned his attention back to the scenery rolling by. Nick had been in there an awfully long time…
“Nick?” he called. “Ya okay, buddy?”
“I dunno,” Nick’s strained voice called back. “This is the third time–“
“Ooookaaay,” Brian interjected.
“ – I’ve thrown up today,” Nick finished. Brian sighed with relief.
“Whew, thought you were gonna say something else for a minute there – wait a tick, did you say you threw up?”
“Yeah,” Nick groaned.
“You’re cleaning the bathroom then,” Brian warned.
“Bri-an,” Nick whined. “I’m throwing up here – “
He stopped talking suddenly, and Brian could hear heaving noises. He wrinkled his nose and put his headphones on.
Nick stepped out of the bathroom, his hand over his mouth, his complexion white. Brian looked up and frowned. He removed his headphones.
“Wow, Nick, you really are sick, aren’t you? I thought it was just too much to eat or something,” he said. “Sorry, Frack.”
“I gotta lay down,” Nick moaned and advanced towards his bunk. Brian stood up quickly from the couch and helped him lay down.
“I’ll be right back, bud,” he promised.
“Ugh, don’t take too long,” Nick mumbled. His eyes drooped and he closed them. Brian watched as his lips slowly parted and a wretching snore escaped.
Brian’s forehead creased with worry.
“Poor guy,” he said softly. Then he turned around and entered the small bathroom, covering his mouth and nose just in case. He rinsed a washcloth and rung it out. He returned to Nick and draped it over his friend’s forehead gently.
“Aw, isn’t this a Kodak moment,” AJ’s voice cooed. Brian looked up and put a finger to his lips, motioning silence.
“Nick’s sick,” he whispered.
AJ shook his head and continued on his way down the narrow hall of the bunks, towards the couch. “Management might not like that,” he commented.
Brian looked at Nick one last time before crawling into his bunk across from Nick’s. He stretched his limbs before settling on his side and gazing at Nick. After a while, his gaze lifted and he watched the scenery pass outside of Nick’s window. His thoughts wandered to Tia.
Just before the tour had started, she had given him a box. “Don’t open it until you leave,” she made him promise.
When he’d finally unwrapped it, he’d found a small cassette tape. The first chance he received he spent listening to it. He’d never been more grateful for the small curtains to each bunk than he had been spending time listening to her voice.
“Brian,” it began. “This is all I could think of as a well wish gift. Lord knows I don’t get out enough to get you something. I won’t be here when you get back…relax, I know what you’re thinking. I’m just going home for a couple of weeks. Take a couple of breaths, and I’ll continue.”
At this point the tape just kind of goes on, and after he had gotten over the initial shock of her remark, he had laughed and pushed fast forward.
“Bri, I am going to try my best to explain something to you. I know that you have kept these thoughts in the back of your mind, and I know you’re refusing to let them surface. But you have to Brian, you have to talk about it with someone. Nick will listen, as will AJ. Any of them will listen, and you know it. You can’t rely on me. You can’t, Brian, and we know why. There’s always gonna be someone to talk to. Because I won’t always-“
Brian didn’t know what was after that part. Maybe he didn’t want to know. One thing he was sure of, he wasn’t going to listen to it anytime soon. Call it denial, call it anything you’d like. But he wasn’t going to set himself up for that. Brian could be sure of Tia’s friendship, and her faith in him. He would always count on her as a person. But he would never admit to himself that she was going to leave him someday. He just couldn’t deal with that.
And he had listened to that tape long enough to know when to fast forward more, until he got to the song. He could just hear it now.
“Because I won’t always-“
Stop. Fast forward.
“And no matter-“
Stop. Fast forward.
“So, Bri-“
Stop. Glare at Walkman. Fast forward.
“- That day I sang to you?” Pause.
And this was the part he could always listen to. He would never get tired of listening to that song over and over. The times when he could just lie in his bunk with the curtain shut and the stars shining outside the window were his relaxant. It was just he and Tia. And his sorrow and homesickness.
Somehow the song calmed his nerves, no matter what. He remembered it clearly from the day at the hospital when he and Tia had serenaded each other.
When darkness falls upon your heart and soul
I’ll be the light that shines for you
When you forget how beautiful you are
I’ll be there to remind you
When you can’t find your way
I’ll find my way to you
When troubles come around
I will come to you
I’ll be your shoulder
When you need someone to lean on
Be your shelter
When you need someone to see you through
I’ll be there to carry you
I’ll be there
I’ll be the rock that will be strong for you
The one that will hold onto you
When you feel that rain falling down
When there’s nobody else around
I’ll be
And when you’re there with no one else to hold
I’ll be the arms that reach for you
And when you feel your faith is running low
I'll be there to believe in you
When all you find are lies
I'll be the truth you need
When you need someone to run to
You can run to me
I’ll be your shoulder when you need someone to lean on
Be your shelter
When you need someone to see you through
I’ll be there to carry you
I’ll be there
I’ll be the rock that will be strong for you
The one that will hold onto you
When you feel that rain falling down
When there’s nobody else around
I’ll be
I'll be the sun
When your heart's filled with rain
I'll be the one
To chase the rain away
I’ll be your shoulder when you need someone to lean on
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Be your shelter
When you need someone to see you through
I’ll be there to carry you
I’ll be there
I’ll be the rock that will be strong for you
The one that will hold onto you
When you feel that rain falling down
When there’s nobody else around
I’ll be…