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Chapter 13
“Put it back,” Brian demanded. Kevin sighed.
“Brian, you have to do this sometime. It’ll help you heal faster.”
“I will not
listen to it.” Brian remained stubborn, crossing his arms and
staring at Kevin defiantly.
“Please?”
Brian stared at
him with the same expression on his face. Kevin sighed. “All
right,” he relented. “But sometime you’ll have to.”
AJ walked in then,
and sat down next to Brian. “Hey, guys,” he said, leaning
his head back and resting it on the back of the couch. “How are you?”
His
question was directed to both of them, but meant for Brian.
“Fine,” Brian said. AJ’s eyebrow raised, but he didn’t say anything.
“I’m good,” Kevin said cheerfully. “Enjoying the time off?”
AJ nodded. “More than you know.”
“I’m not,” Brian said. “I want to be on tour. When do we start again?”
Kevin met AJ’s
eyes. When you’re 100% better, he wanted to say. AJ
shook his head sadly and looked across the room. Kevin shrugged in reply to
Brian’s question. “Whenever they tell us, I guess.”
Brian frowned. “I wanna go now,” he pouted.
“Brian, you sound like you’re five years old,” AJ said, yawning.
“Well, excuse me,” Brian retorted and turned on his heel, stalking away.
“Oh, dear Lord,” AJ muttered.
Kevin shook his head and followed Brian out of the house.
“Brian!”
he yelled, starting to run after his cousin, who was heading back
into the woods. “Brian, wait up!”
Brian kept going,
deeper into the woods. He didn’t want to deal with Kevin’s
‘let me help you’ act anymore. He was tired of having everyone feeling
sorry
for him. Taking a sharp turn to the left, Brian cut off Kevin and sat down
on the ground.
“God,”
he began. “I don’t know why you took Tia away from me, or whatever
I
did to deserve it, but I’m sorry.” He stretched out on the grass lazily.
“No
one understood me like she did. I dunno how she did it, but she just seemed
to compliment me. She was like no one I ever knew, God! And she’s gone
now.
How am I ever going to get over her? I want to be happy again, but I just
can’t. Every day something reminds me of her, and I regress again just
when
I think I’m getting better…”
He closed his eyes
and felt the hot tears threatening to escape. “I just
don’t understand…Please help me.”
Before he knew it, Brian was sound asleep.
*
“Did you find him?” Megan asked as soon as Kevin stepped in the door.
Kevin shook his head regretfully. “The kid can run.”
“Kev, we’ve
gotta find him,” AJ said. “Who knows what he’d do? He’s
depressed.”
“I don’t think we need reminded of that, AJ,” Nick said dryly.
“Let’s get a search party going,” Howie said earnestly.
“How about
we just all go out and look for him,” Kevin suggested calmly.
“AJ’s property isn’t that big.”
“Good plan,” AJ said and darted out of the house. Kevin ran after him.
“AJ,” he yelled. “Meet back here in twenty minutes!”
“Right,”
AJ yelled back and kept going. Howie left too, to the left of the
direction AJ took, and Kevin joined him. Nick wandered around for awhile,
unsure.
“If I were
depressed and didn’t want to talk to anyone, where would I hide?”
he wondered aloud, and instantly felt bad for saying it.
*
Brian sighed and
sat down on a log. He had no idea where he was. He’d woken
up from his nap and continued to walk around, trying to sort through his
feelings and emotions. When he realized that he was lost, it was too dark to
turn around and retrace his steps.
“Brian.”
Startled to be
hearing a voice, and let alone the voice he was hearing,
Brian pivoted, holding in a cry of alarm.
“T-Tia?” he sputtered. “Is it really you?”
She smiled gently. “Yes, Brian. It’s me. Don’t be so scared. It’s only me.”
“Are you…real?”
he wondered, reaching a hand out and trying to touch her.
She stepped back at the last second.
“Don’t Brian,” she said softly, almost sadly. Tears stung his eyes.
“Why not?”
“I don’t
want you to hurt even more when you realize you can’t physically
touch me.”
Brian stepped backwards. “How do you know I can’t feel you?”
“I just know,
Bri. I’m not…alive anymore. I mean, you know that, don’t you?”
She laughed slightly. “I’m in your heart Brian. That’s the only
way you can
feel me.”
“I don’t understand.”
“Just because
I’m not with you in both body and soul anymore doesn’t mean
I’m not with you at all. You just have to see that.”
“I do see that. I know you’re not with me anymore.”
“No, Brian.
Try to understand. Open up your eyes and look at me, really look
at me,” she demanded gently. He stared at her, trying to ‘look at
her’.
“Okay, now
blink, because you’re not a fish,” she teased. He laughed as
tears from staring so long at her ran down his cheeks.
“See, Brian?
You can laugh still. You thought it was impossible, didn’t you?
That laughing was something from the past that you no longer knew how to
do.”
“I laughed so much with you,” he murmured.
“We laughed
a lot, didn’t we?” she agreed. “Brian, laughter is the medicine
to the soul. Never forget that. If you live by that, you’ll live so much
longer.”
“Then why didn’t you?”
“Physical illness got in the way.”
“Tia, I miss you so much,” he said. “I wish I could give you a hug.”
“I miss you,
too, Bri. But you shouldn’t miss me. I never really left. I’m
still with you, all the time, every second of the day. Right?”
Brian couldn’t answer.
“You didn’t
finish the tape, did you?” Tia asked, smiling knowingly. She
laughed softly. “I knew you wouldn’t.”
“What do you mean?” he asked, his eyes wide.
She smiled and
held up a cassette tape. “You still haven’t listened to the
whole thing.”
“How do you know that?”
“Brian, I’m
with you all the time. I travel with you everywhere you go. To
when you cry yourself to sleep every night to when you fight with Kevin. And
did you know, I cry when you cry?”
“What?”
“I cry when
you’re angry, and when you’re sad. Bri, I’m supposed to be so
happy now. I don’t have cancer anymore! My scars are gone! I’m finally
100%
perfect, like God is. But when I see you so unhappy, I’m unhappy. Can’t
you
see?”
“Tia, I…”
“Until you’re happy, I can’t be happy.”
Brian frowned.
“Have I been selfish?” he asked, trusting Tia to give him an
honest answer.
“Yes.”
“I’m sorry,” he said sadly.
“Good. The guys are all looking for you right now,” she informed him.
“They are?”
“Nick will find you, asleep on the grass.”
“I’m asleep?”
She laughed. “Silly, did you think I could just appear in reality?”
“I was hoping you could…”
“See, that’s
where you’ve got to change the attitude. You’ve got to learn to
get along without me in your physical world.”
“I’ll try,” he promised. “It might take time, though.”
“Take all
the time you need. Everyone’s got your back. They love you, and
want to help you.”
“Yeah, I know,”
he responded, smiling a little; knowing it was the truest
thing he’d heard in a long time.
“And never
forget: I’m always around,” she reminded him. “If you ever feel
the need to just talk, I’ll always be able to just listen.”
“Thanks, Tee,” he said, tears in his voice. “I’ll see you someday?”
“Someday,” she repeated. “And I’ll give you a big hug.”
A sob escaped Brian’s throat. “I can’t wait.”
“I have to
go now,” she said, smiling. “I enjoyed this little talk, Brian,
just like we’ve had so many.”
“Will you come back and talk to me when I’m sleeping sometimes?”
“I can’t promise I will,” she replied. “But I promise I’ll try.”
He smiled.
“And I’ll always be around.” She started to fade away.
“Are you leaving now?” he asked. “Am I waking up?”
“Nick’s
trying to wake you up.” She laughed. “But I can keep you asleep as
long as I want.” Brian laughed. “Sorry, Nick,” she joked.
Brian began to hear Nick’s voice, trying to wake him up.
“Two things before I go, Bri,” Tia said.
“Yeah?” he asked, ignoring Nick’s pokes.
“One: listen to the tape! I paid for that thing, don’t waste it!”
He laughed. “I will.”
“And the other
thing: tell Megan not to feel so bad.” Tia frowned. “I did
know that she loved me. She was my best friend.”
Brian smiled. “I’ll do that.”
“Ok, Nick’s getting really annoying, so this is bye, Brian.”
“ I love you, Tia.”
“I love you, Brian.”
*
“Brian?” Nick whispered. “Brian, are you okay? Wake up, Frick.”
Brian listened
to Nick trying to wake him, and he fought his smile. He felt
cleansed, something he hadn’t felt in a long time –too long. Here
he’d been
taking Nick and everyone for granted, when they’d been trying so hard to
help him, sticking with him when he was a jerk.
Nick poked Brian’s chest again.
“Stop poking me, Nick.”
Dumbfounded, Nick
sat back on his heels and stared at Brian. Brian sat up
and looked at Nick.
“Don’t do that to me, Bri, jeez I almost had a heart attack!”
Brian smiled. “Sorry.”
Nick did a double take. “Did you just smile?”
“Yeah. Yeah, I did. I smiled.”
“You’re
back? Oh my gosh, thank GOD!” Nick exclaimed, jumping up and pulling
Brian to his feet. “Brian’s happy, Brian’s happy,” he chanted.
Brian couldn’t
help but laugh at Nick. “Nick’s a freak, Nick’s a freak,”
he
chanted back. Nick laughed and grabbed his best friend in a giant hug.
“Man, I missed
you,” he mumbled in Brian’s shoulder. Brian felt tears well
up in his eyes once again at the affection that Nick so obviously had for
him, and the affection that Brian had for Nick that he had forgotten about.
“I missed
me, too,” Brian said. “Nick, I’m sorry for being such a wet
blanket these past weeks.”
“Don’t
be sorry,” Nick said, pulling back and looking at his best friend.
“We’re all here for you. We all missed you.”
“I know that
now,” Brian said. “And I can’t believe I was being such a
jerk.”
“Brian, I
honestly do not care at all whatsoever you were before five
minutes ago. I’m just too happy that you’re happy again.”
“Let’s go inside, shall we? I have some catching up to do.”
Nick grinned and
slung his arm around Brian’s shoulders. They began to walk
away, talking animatedly.
“I got this new video game last night. Wait ‘til you play it…”
“You better
not have beaten it yet…I have to whoop your butt mercilessly
first…”
“It’s good to have you back, Brian.”
“It’s good to be back.”
As they neared
the actual backyard, Kevin, Howie, and AJ all emerged from
different sides of the yard in unison. All three rushed to Brian and Nick,
demanding to know where Brian was, what happened, was he hurt…etc.
“Guys,” Brian interrupted them. “I’m okay now.”
The three simple
words spoke volumes. Slowly, the rest of the guys broke
into wide smiles.
Kevin wrapped his
arm around Nick and Brian, and Howie and AJ followed his
example. Then the Backstreet Boys, together again, walked into the house,
the bond between them quickly re – forming.
*
Brian wandered
down the hall, whistling. He stopped next to a hung picture
of Tia and Megan, one of his favorites. Megan had become one of Brian’s
best
friends, and he was looking forward to the upcoming tour that she would be
joining them for. At the same time, he was more nervous than he’d ever
been
waiting for a tour to start. He hadn’t been on stage in at least four
months, due to management wanting him to take some time off to ‘recuperate’.
Brian smiled. He was recuperated. In time he would be fully well again, and
he would learn to take advantage of the lasting friendships he had in his
life without depending on them like he had made the mistake of doing with
Tia.
Brian looked up
as someone stopped beside him. Megan smiled briefly then
returned her gaze to the framed photograph.
“She knew, y’know,” Brian spoke up after several moments of silence.
Megan didn’t reply as tears formed in her eyelids.
“I mean, she
would have wanted you to know that…she loved you too. You were
her best friend, but she was also yours, wasn’t she?”
“She was.”
“And she knows
that.” Brian smiled and looked back up at the picture. Tia
smiled down at them, not only from the picture, but from her silent watch on
them. Brian and Megan, her best friends.
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